Who I Am and Who i've Been

I have decided that 4 day weekends are a terrible thing for me. Yes they are relaxing and I can stay up as late as I want and then sleep in as late as I want, but they also leave me bored with nothing to do but ponder and think. And what does one ponder and think about when they are bored???

That's right...

The Past!


Last week was a very relaxing week for me, and the only night I went out to a bar was Wednesday night. But I didn't go that night for the drinking, I went for the dancing. Ivy didn't know how to swing dance, and so i figured I'd show her. So we went out to a cowboy bar and got our dance on. Me and Ivy actually spent a ton of time together last week. Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Saturday night! Since Chi was back home in Chicago, it left me wide open to hang out with Ivy as much as possible. I'm not sure if this was a good thing or bad thing yet.

I have always been the type to over analyse things, especially relationships. Last week I did a ton of analysing. I realized that I have two different styles of relationships, and right now I have them both. First, things with Ivy are good. They have been moving really slow and I haven't made any moves beyond making out, and I'm perfectly content with that. Ivy is a complete sweetheart and when I believe a woman to be that way, and I actually like her, I have a hard time making moves because I don't want to scare them away or make them think I only want sex. Then there is Chi. This girl is completely gorgeous and a ton of fun, but she is the sexual outgoing type. I haven't had any problems making moves on Chi, because I can just read that she is ok with everything I am doing when I'm doing it. But, I don't feel any stability with her.

There are certain girls (or guys for you ladies) that you just know you have to be wary of. You know they could be trouble, they could be heart breakers, and leave you face down in the mud. Yet, those are the type you probably fall for most often. That's been my experiences anyway. Maybe I'm self destructing things with Chi because I started things off with a lie. And although i came clean, i still feel bad. I'm also one of those that says a relationship can be just fine when sex starts very early on, but I really know that is a lie. I just try to fool myself into a good rationalization. I know when things are just booty calls, and I'm ok with that. But when I don't know what they are or what they could lead to, that's when I start questioning everything.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I have been hurt in the past, and I have also done my share of hurting, and right now I don't want to experience either of those with either of these girls. I have, and always will, believe that dating multiple people at once is a totally ok thing until you start getting serious, or that sex becomes involved. Right now, I have not had sex with either girl, but I feel it happening very soon with Chi just because of the sexual limits we have already reached with one another. So once that happens, does that mean i have made my decision on who I'm keeping around and who I'm dumping? I know this situation is not fair. Or maybe it is? How do I know that Chi is possibly just looking for a friend with benefits? Maybe Ivy isn't really that into me, but she's keeping me around till something better comes along?

How come I had 4 days off to get my pitiful-relationship-analysis-thinking-cap dusted off and slapped on?

Award!

So, a week ago the spunky little German Jessica at http://littmssunshine.blogspot.com/ gave me an award. It's about time a accept this award.

In order to accept the award I have to tell you 7 things about myself, and then pass on the award to 3 other people. So here goes...

1) I am absolutely addicted to Jeeps. I have just about anything you can buy the says "Jeep" on it. I have magazines and calendars. I have signs and mouse pads, and just all kinds of crap. If I'm walking through a parking lot and see a nice looking Jeep, i will go out of my way to wonder over to it and check it. Most of the time just to say, "Mine's better".

2)I have a tie fetish. I have probably along the lines of 30 different ties, and I hardly wear any of them. I just love the look of a tie. I once spent $30 for a tie!

3) I have been in love twice, experienced lots of lust, and am still obsessed with my great white buffalo.

(For those who haven't seen Hot Tub Time Machine, great white buffalo stands for the one that got away)

4) If I could have any job in the world, I would be a rally car racers.

5) I collect beer bottles. Now I do have a few bottles from the large breweries like Coors and Bud, but only a few or the anniversary or unique bottles. The rest of my collection is from micro brews. I think they make the best labels and so I started collecting them when I was in college.

6) I have never been out of the country. This includes Canada.

7) My (current) big dream is to open a brewery. A couple  buddies and I have recently started brewing beer in an effort to find something we love. I got really excited recently when I found out that the owners of Dogfish Head Brewery started brewing beer in their garage 10 gallons at a time in 1993. In 1995 they opened a restaurant/brewery and now revenue about $10-$20 millions annually. Now that gets me excited!

It is now time to pass this award along to three new folks, and here are my selections...

Jess @ Live.Laugh.Love

M @ Misadventures of M

And finally, I must have a thing for Jessica's, but..

Jessica @ Hello, my name is Jessica



Power of the Accent

How is it that I am such a sucker for a girl with an accent? I know that a lot of people are attracted to accents, but they usually have a couple specific accents that turn them on. ME... I LOVE ALMOST ANY ACCENT FROM ANYWHERE!!

Now I'm not trying to be racist here, but there are a couple accents that I don't enjoy. Indian and Asian. Although I have a great Asian impression that makes anyone laugh. Trust me, it's hilarious.

The past week, I have been surrounded by so many accents I thought I was in a fantasy. Kinda like when I was in New Orleans and went to a white linen party, where everyone wore white... I think white is amazingly hot on a women... So real life fantasy... Umm... CHECK!

When I was in high school we had an Australian foreign exchange student who just mesmerized me. She was fairly cute, and had a good body, but she had most horrific grill I have ever seen. A bad grill is very unattractive, but every time this girl started talking, it was like those windows 7 commercial; She instantly turned into a babe. She could have been talking about cleaning out a porta potty and I would have still been intrigued by her speech. Now I know that everyone falls for the Aussie accent, but this was just the beginning of my weakness for accents.

  I went snowboarding on Saturday with a couple friends from Dallas. A couple of their friends came to town also from Dallas, and they were talking about how some people make fun of them for saying y'all and other things they say down in Texas, and I honestly don't know how that could be. I love hearing words that aren't said around here. They could talk about bringing in the cows all night for all I care. I would listen to everything they said. The whole south has their own thing going on when it comes to certain words and accents, they I just can't get enough of. I once went to the bank where my teller was this cute little thing from Arkansas. After talking to her that first time, I started going into the bank like twice a week. I would pull cash from my ATM one day, just so that I could walk inside, deposit it into the same account, and just listen to this girl talk for a few minutes. How creepy is that right? Needless to say, once she brought up the boyfriend, I stopped that non sense. I think I am destined to marry a southern bell.

I also rode up on the lift once with a couple from Canada. Even their accents were interesting. EAY? However they might spell that word, I have no idea, but maybe I'll start incorporating that into my every day language just like y'all. Ha, probably not. It just sounds stupid coming from an American.

Now Chi is obviously from Chicago, and she asked me the other day if she sounded stupid saying certain words. I could never think that because to me, the accent is like a good pair of high heels or a good pair of jeans. Every woman has a certain level of attractiveness about themselves. Put on a good pair of high heels to accentuate the calfs, or a good pair of jeans to lift the butt into a beautifully round orb, and walla... A 7 girl becomes a 9. At least while she is wearing those. The difference is, the accent never goes away!! But without the accent, the girl would drop a notch or two on the attractive scale.

Continuing about the oddity of the past week, I had to go to a special hospital for some health reasons, and I swear, every women in that place had an accent from somewhere. My nurse had to have been from Russia or some country around there, and although I couldn't understand most of the stuff she was saying, I just nodded my head because I didn't care what she said, I was lost in the accent. She could have told me to sign my bank account information on a piece of paper and I would have done it. That's just how powerful accents are to me!

There is one thing I want to know though. From what I have experienced, people from the western states don't have accents at all. Now when I say western, I'm going to include every state South and West of the Dakotas with exceptions to Texas and Oklahoma. Now Californians have certain words all to there own, but they don't have accents. Am I the only one who thinks this? What about you eastern folks... do you think folks from out this way have accents at all?

The 2am Booty Call

Friday night I had a date with Chi and it was kind of a hard date to plan. Obviously dinner was not a problem, but I had no idea what to do after dinner. Usually a bar, or some kind of club sounds like a good choice, but seeing that Chi is not 21, I had some difficulties coming up with ideas that didn't involve ID checks. My first idea was to go to this new indoor go kart racing center, but turns out they were closed for the night for a private party. So since I had no ideas, after dinner Chi suggested just renting a movie. Sounded good to me!

We rented Grown Ups and watched  most of the movie ;-)

I don't know how in my 24 years, I had never experienced this before, but in the past few months I have now only had 2 girls pull on my shirt collar while making out, and I have to say... IT IS THE BIGGEST TURN ON EVER!!

(If you haven't already, go ahead and put that one in your bag of tricks ladies)

Chi was a great kisser, and that is a must for any kind of spark I must say. I think everyone would agree with that, but I did spend a few months with a girl who was a terrible kisser but amazing in the sack. For awhile i tried to use her awesomeness in the bedroom as the offset for her horrific kissing tactics, but I know now that that is just not enough. Kissing is probably the first thing you ever learn with the opposite sex, so you should have it down to a science by the time you leave high school. IMO.

Anyways, it was really nice to stay in for once and have some couch time with someone. I have missed that for sure. I know that I was recently writing about that, and I am assuming that would be one thing Chi will bring to the table a lot seeing that she is under age. She's going back home to Chicago for the Holiday, so I won't be seeing her for the next week.

Saturday I was downtown getting my drink on for the first time all week, and we spent a lot of time at the Cowboy bar. I busted out my swing skills to impress a few ladies and it did the right kind of charming. While talking to one lady, my buddy Gary pulled out the best wingman phrase I have ever heard. I'm not sure what made him decide he needed to talk me up since I was doing just fine, but Gary started to compare me to a salmon. Neither of us remember the entire phrase since we were drinking. But I know that he started out by telling this girl I was a great catch. He concluded this statement with this,

 "He is like the salmon of men. Like a big 24 inch salmon. You can't find them everywhere, but when one is right in front of you, you better snag it"

I have never laughed so hard in my life. But thank you Gary. And This chick must have been digging it, because she stuck around the rest of the night.

Now I know you are wondering, "Where does your title fit into all of this Ryan?" Well, as the bars were closing, I got a text from Snow White.

"Hey"

Now everyone knows, that is the 2am text that might as well read, "Let's get it on". But this was snow white. The same chick that told me on our date last week, that she only wanted to be friends.

Turns out, that didn't matter. Snow white (SW) was asking where I was at, and if I wanted to come over. It was her birthday and she needed some birthday sex. I don't ever let my friends down, so over I came. I hadn't even walked in the door completely when SW throws herself on me. We start wrestling our way to her room as clothes are being thrown off. At this point, I no longer felt like a salmon. I was totally a bear ready to ravage.

We make it to the bed where things start to get hot, when I notice I have an audience to my right. SW has a husky that was just sitting next to the bed watching my every move. At first I was a little thrown off, but I soon got over it, as it's just a dog right? Well as the dirty is happening, the dog starts to howl!! I'm like "WTF?!" How is a man suppose to perform with a dog howling a foot away from you? I guess it could have been worse though. I have heard stories of dogs barking aggressively at men during sex, or even biting them! That's something you will never find on my bucket list, "Get bit in the ass by a golden retriever while nailing his master" NOPE NOPE NOPE!

SW eventually locked the dog out of the room, so we could continue. After about an hour, we did it again. And then again when I awoke in the morning. I was thoroughly confused as to why she had said what she had the week before, but either way, this busted another slump for me. The last time I had sex multiple times in a 8 hour period, was back in March. That is definitely something else I have missed for sure.

Why I Suck at Operation

Tonight my best friend and I were brewing our second beer, and towards the end of the process I was holding up the thermometer to take a temperature reading and I just couldn't hold it steady for the life of me. Gary and I started talking about how it was a good thing I never wanted to be a doctor because I have the shakiest hands he has ever seen. This is true. For some reason I am always shaky. Some people get shaky if they don't have enough food or sugar, some shake after drinking coffee, some shake after certain drugs, but me, I shake pretty much all the time. I have no idea why this is, but I figured it brings up a good topic for tonight.... Nerves

Although I shake slightly all the time, I shake a ton when I get nervous. You have all heard the saying "Nerves of steel", well the saying for me is easily, "Nerves of Jello". It is so easy to tell when I am nervous, even when I myself don't think i'm nervous. For example, on multiple occasions in the bedroom, I have been told by women that I don't need to be nervous. When I tell them I'm not, they say, "Why are you shaking then?". SHIT, I didn't even know I was shaking, guess I just get so used to it being a normal thing for me, that I don't notice. Whatever though, I guess the more you are with me you will start to see that I'm just abnormally shaky.

I sometimes wonder if the strength of your nervous is built around your fears. If you don't fear a lot of things, does that mean your nerves are stronger and you don't get nervous as eaily? If that's true, I can totally see why my nerves are like jello. I fear some rediculous things. Like for one, my biggest fear of all is a paper cut in the eye. People think i'm crazy for that, but come on. Everyone knows how much a little paper cut on their finger hurts, and how much somthing in your eye hurts, well what if the two meet?? I kinda freak out when people hold papers or mail or anything like that in my face.

I also fear audiences, which is weird for me seeing that I grew up a 3 sport athlete and was used to having crowds around for those. I know that I get nervous before games a little, but when people are watching me not so much. The audience types of talking about, are like when I am talking in front of people I don't know or when I used to play in the jazz band and I had a solo. That's when I got extremely nervous. Because all eyes are on you. What if I fuck up? What if I do somthing stupid? What if i'm being video taped? Again, stupid fear, but a fear none the less.

I have accepted the fact that I have very shaky hands and thats ok with me. I know that i'll never be a doctor. I know I'll never be a good rifle hunter. I know that i'll never be able to beat my kids at the game operation. But so what?

Cat's Out of the Bag

I woke up this morning to a text that was sent to me last night after I had passed out from the Nyquil I took. The text was from Chi, whom I had been texting off and on with all night.

"Hey this is random but do you still go to Regis or did you graduate already?

There it was, right in front of me. The question that was going to doom me. Not only had I lied to Chi from the beginning, but she figured it out before I could even come clean to her. I had no idea how she had figured it out, but if she's asking the question, she must know so I had no option but to come clean. I text her back and told her that I figured i'd be telling her this in person and not over text, but yes I had graduated. I also told her that I was worried she'd freak if she knew my real age.

After I replied I wasn't sure what her response would be, nor if I would even get one. Turns out, Chi's response shocked me a little. In a nut shell, she told me she got why I lied to her, but that if it reassures me at all, she usually dates older guys. She then asked if I felt weird about talking to a younger girl. I replied with no not at all because I have dated a lot of younger girls, she is just the biggest gap I have experienced yet. Chi then asked me my age. I told her and she responded with,

"Oh that's not bad at all. I mean i'm 19. Not like i'm 17 lol"

I told her that it's funny she said that, because when she told me she was a freshman, that's exactly what I was afraid of; she was 17 or 18.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this before, but if I would have known she was 19, I would have never lied to her. Oh well though. I asked Chi what made her ask me that question that night before, and she said she just thought it was weird how I was never on campus, I never talked about my classes, and that I never seemed to be doing homework. She's a pretty smart girl. I don't know too many that would put all that together. When she asked questions about classes or what not, I didn't want to lie so I just danced around the questions and changed subjects. I know that I'm a bad lier, but I thought I handled those question pretty good, haha, yea right. 

Needless to say, Chi wasn't hurt that I had lied to her. Guess you were right "M" .

Sleeper Sunday

I know that I have already told you all about my Thursday night, and that I seemed hopeful about Friday night's date, but it was a big disappointment as well. I originally met this girl downtown on Halloween weekend where she happily signed one of my playplace balls with her name and number. We went out to dinner, and don't get me wrong, we had some good conversations and there was never any weird, awkward moments at all, but the date was just BLAH.

When I had originally asked her out, she told me that she had some later plans that night with her friends, but that dinner sounded great. When I spoke with her on Friday, she said that her plans with the friends fell through, so dinner anytime would work. Like i said, their was never any bad moments, and she seems like a very nice, sweet girl, but I just didn't feel a spark. Usually after a date, I can't wait to get my lips on that other person. But on friday night, I just didn't feel that way at all. So, maybe little mrs sunshine was just a little wrong when she mentioned I love women.

Ok, ok. I admit I love most women, but this one just wasn't doing it for me. So, after dinner I didn't suggest any further plans, and neither did she. I took her back to her place where we hugged and she said, "Well, talk to you later I guess?" And I said yes. With that, I think she was probably feeling the same way, especially since I haven't heard from her since. I got home around 9:30 and spent the first friday night in, since who knows when. I watched the new Karate Kid and it was awesome!

Saturday came, and I was suppose to hang out with Chi, but she was working a cheerleading competition and it went way late, so by the time she text me, I was already at a buddy's birthday party running the beer pong table so I was a little drunk to drive. So, no hanging with Chi, but my ex GF from high school showed up, and kept flirting with me and putting her hands all over me and I guess I had a drunken outburst telling her to not touch me. Truth is, we're still friends, but i don't want anything more than that. So the fact of her trying to be flirty flirty when I had just finished 2 crap dates, kinda pissed me off.

Anywho, Sunday came around and I was expecting a Bronco butt kicking, but luckily I still went to the game and they KILLED IT! The Bronco win was just the start of a GREAT Sunday! On the bus ride home, I got a text from Ivy inviting me to go salsa dancing. I definitely accepted the invitation as I had a great time last weekend with her. I have been salsa dancing one time, and I sucked it up! This time we had a lesson where I could do all the basic steps part and part, by themselves, but when I put them all together I had a hard time remembering my footwork. Oh well, it's was Ivy's first time as well so we sucked it up together :-)  After the lesson we stayed for awhile where we tried to get better, and I think we did, a little bit anyway. I told her that I'm going to take her swing dancing where I'll feel more in my element. She said she has never been, so i'm gonna have to seriously brush up on those skills so I can impress her.

After salsa, her friend suggested pool. So to the pool hall bar we went. Again, I'm terrible at pool, but hey, so was Ivy! So once again we sucked it up together. Being that it was sunday, it was super mellow out. It was a nice relaxing evening where I was able to actually get to know her a little bit compared to the loud party/bar atmosphere we had been in the two times before. Ivy is totally sweet, and i totally have a spark with her. We decided to call it a nightm and I walked her to her friend's car where she gave me a sweet gental kiss that just exploded! Now when I say that, I don't mean that we turned into animals, clawing and grabbing at each other ready to ravage one another right there on the street. I mean, that once her soft lips locked with mine, they didn't want to seperate. Last week I kissed her at the bar, and outside at her car, but those had a lot of alcohol involved and I didn't feel that as a romantic kiss. Tonight on the other hand, no alcohol, and IT. WAS . AWESOME!

In the words of Bruno Mars... "Her lips, her lips. I could kiss them all day if she'd let me."