Ivy lives is what is considered a condo, and she has one wall that shares with the most obnoxious people I have ever heard. This couple does nothing but get drunk and fight with each other... ALL THE TIME.
And when I say fight, I mean this bitch is screaming at the top of her lungs. Last night, at one point she just flat screamed for a good 30 seconds. I mean screamed. Not screaming words. Just a screaming noise. Out of the 3-4 nights a week I stay at Ivy's, I hear them fight probably half the time, if not every time i'm there. We have debated calling the cops several times, but don't want to cause any "bad blood" between us ya know? I figure one day, maybe one of the other neighbors will call the cops. Then we won't have to worry anymore.
Ivy and I were watching tv on the couch when things just started to get hot and heavy. I'm not one that really cares where sex happens, and she isn't either, and since Ivy doesn't have roommates, we didn't move to the bedroom. About halfway through this sweaty couch session, I could now hear the obnoxious bitch next door banging on the wall and screaming some crap about us going to bed. I was like, "WTF?" We listen to that bitch scream all night every night, and now she hears us having some awesome sex through the wall and she has the nerve to get pissed at us? FUCK OFF, was my thoughts. She's just jealous that all her and her man do is fight, and we actually get it on.
Knowing that she could hear us, and that it was pissing her off, just made me want to keep going forever and make sure Ivy got louder and louder. Shit, I'm not a noise maker when it comes to sex, but I almost started in on the moaning as well!
Do you think it would have been wierd, or hilarious if I started yelling, "Hold on, hold on. Almost finished, almost finished!!"
I think it would have been hilarious!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Dimming Candle
Ivy and I have had some relationship problems lately, and it's got me rethinking some of my own philosophies. For a very long time now I have always believed that your experiences shape the person you are today. I still believe that, but I guess I aways figured that your experiences shaped you in a good way. I figured that people learned lessons from things that had happened to them, and it made them a better person for the future. I'm starting to think I was wrong about that. Well, the part about always changing you in a good way part.
Let's look at relationships. When someone is in a relationship and then they are cheated on, they might use this experience to shape the way they trust someone. They might expect the next person to cheat on them, so they never truly trust that next person.
Maybe a guy was in a series of relationships where the girl needed him for absolutely everything. She needs him to take care of her in every way. Then one day he meets a very independent girl who doesn't need him to do anything at all. Him might not know how to act.
I know this one will be a touchy subject, but what if a girl is sexually assaulted? Perhaps that experience makes it very hard for her to ever let anyone touch her or become intimate with her.
My point is, that experiences don't always change you in a good way. They can easily change you in a bad way. I've started to wonder if pure love is only achievable when one is younger. It's like as you get older, you have more and more experiences that contaminate the way you "feel" love. When I was in high school, I had my first serious relationship when I was a senior and I was not shy about telling the girl I loved her. I said it probably after a couple months, and I really did love that girl. I still do. The next girl I fell in love with was just as easy to fall for. But now, it's very hard for me to fall in love. I've been hurt bad a few times, and so instead of just opening up to the possibility of being hurt like that again, I've kept every girl I meet, at a "safe" distance.
Ivy is the first girl in a long time that I am willing to get close to, but I feel like she is not ready to let me be close to her. She continues to think of her experiences as the "norm" and is just waiting for me to fail, fuck up, break her heart, and fuck her over.
The bad thing about me, is that I tend to live up, or down, to people's expectations. If people expect me to do something, I don't have a problem doing it. So that worries me, because the more and more she expects me to fuck up, one day i'm just not going to care and i'm going to fuck up anyways because she is expecting me too.
In my longest relationship, we took "a break" once, and that girl told me start dating other people. I didn't. I din't want to date anyone but her. For the longest time I refused, but she always told me to date other people. One day, I finally did. She had been telling me for so long, that I figured, "Why not? She's expecting it." Ultimately, that same girl hated me for dating someone else, even though I denied for so long, and she was the one who convinced me to date someone else. I don't want something like that to happen again with Ivy. But I also wonder that if both of our experiences have made us unable to love one another truely, completely, and trustfully.
Let's look at relationships. When someone is in a relationship and then they are cheated on, they might use this experience to shape the way they trust someone. They might expect the next person to cheat on them, so they never truly trust that next person.
Maybe a guy was in a series of relationships where the girl needed him for absolutely everything. She needs him to take care of her in every way. Then one day he meets a very independent girl who doesn't need him to do anything at all. Him might not know how to act.
I know this one will be a touchy subject, but what if a girl is sexually assaulted? Perhaps that experience makes it very hard for her to ever let anyone touch her or become intimate with her.
My point is, that experiences don't always change you in a good way. They can easily change you in a bad way. I've started to wonder if pure love is only achievable when one is younger. It's like as you get older, you have more and more experiences that contaminate the way you "feel" love. When I was in high school, I had my first serious relationship when I was a senior and I was not shy about telling the girl I loved her. I said it probably after a couple months, and I really did love that girl. I still do. The next girl I fell in love with was just as easy to fall for. But now, it's very hard for me to fall in love. I've been hurt bad a few times, and so instead of just opening up to the possibility of being hurt like that again, I've kept every girl I meet, at a "safe" distance.
Ivy is the first girl in a long time that I am willing to get close to, but I feel like she is not ready to let me be close to her. She continues to think of her experiences as the "norm" and is just waiting for me to fail, fuck up, break her heart, and fuck her over.
The bad thing about me, is that I tend to live up, or down, to people's expectations. If people expect me to do something, I don't have a problem doing it. So that worries me, because the more and more she expects me to fuck up, one day i'm just not going to care and i'm going to fuck up anyways because she is expecting me too.
In my longest relationship, we took "a break" once, and that girl told me start dating other people. I didn't. I din't want to date anyone but her. For the longest time I refused, but she always told me to date other people. One day, I finally did. She had been telling me for so long, that I figured, "Why not? She's expecting it." Ultimately, that same girl hated me for dating someone else, even though I denied for so long, and she was the one who convinced me to date someone else. I don't want something like that to happen again with Ivy. But I also wonder that if both of our experiences have made us unable to love one another truely, completely, and trustfully.
Monday, March 21, 2011
A Sad Sight
St. Patty's Day was pretty wild and I had a blast with all my friends. None of us got too crazy, but it was still a good time relaxing for the evening out at the bars.
Friday was uneventful to say the least and was only filled with watching some basketball and eating buffalo wild wings.
Saturday was pretty much the same as Friday, although Ivy and I did go see Red Riding Hood. Great movie!
Sunday was another 4wheeling trip. We drove a few trails that are in the Hayman Burn area. This was Colorado's largest fire in history and happened in 2002. It burned over 138,000 acres. It was amazing to be driving on the top of a mountain and look to your left and see nothing but burned trees and rock for miles and miles. Then you look to your left and see the same thing.
It was definitely a sight to see. It was a great day filled with lots of fun. Today was a sad reminder however, because our state has 3 wild fires burning at the moment. One that is growing very large without any help in sight from mother nature. It has been very dry for weeks here in Colorado, and it's the driest winter I can remember. It is suppose to be warm and windy all week. Let's hope another fire like this one doesn't come around.
Friday was uneventful to say the least and was only filled with watching some basketball and eating buffalo wild wings.
Saturday was pretty much the same as Friday, although Ivy and I did go see Red Riding Hood. Great movie!
Sunday was another 4wheeling trip. We drove a few trails that are in the Hayman Burn area. This was Colorado's largest fire in history and happened in 2002. It burned over 138,000 acres. It was amazing to be driving on the top of a mountain and look to your left and see nothing but burned trees and rock for miles and miles. Then you look to your left and see the same thing.
It was definitely a sight to see. It was a great day filled with lots of fun. Today was a sad reminder however, because our state has 3 wild fires burning at the moment. One that is growing very large without any help in sight from mother nature. It has been very dry for weeks here in Colorado, and it's the driest winter I can remember. It is suppose to be warm and windy all week. Let's hope another fire like this one doesn't come around.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Blah Blah Blah
Last week we got a corporate email from one of the executive's, talking about a recent high we made to join our corporate team. As the accountant, I see so much irresponsible spending in my company that it kills me. We spend money like we grow it in the back room. Sometimes I just can't believe where our all our money goes.
As I'm reading this email, it talks about what team this new chick is going to be part of, her brackground and experiences, and how she is going to be such a great addition to our company.
Last year, they're were hardly any raises or bonuses in our company. I know this will be the same this year. And as I continue to read this email, I am reminded that this new gal is not replacing anyone on the executive team, she is just being added to it, so my mind starts to wander, and although I am reading about "accomplishments", and a "great team addition" my brain processes these words to be saying, "We're gonna be paying some else a shit ton of money, so y'all aren't going to get any raises or bonuses again" and "We're gonna keep hiring more and more expensive people for no reason, except that it gives us an excuse to not pay everyone else more".
It sucks that as the prices of everything in our country continues to rise, (gas, groceries, etc.) the poor just get poorer, the middle class start becoming poor, and the rich just get richer. Companies are refusing to pay their current employees more, but are very willing to shop and pay very high salaries for someone to come into their company with "a good name" or "a good background". I think that is crap. If you want your company to grow, give your current employee's some incentive! I think it's common knowledge that if someone knows they will get a reward, they are more likely to try harder and perform better. But when we just see new person after new person come in and take over the high positions, it gives the rest of us nothing to work towards because we know we will always be stuck where we are at because you aren't willing to give any of the rest of us the opportunity to show you that we can kick ass at that job, or that we are the answer for the current slump.
Open your eyes executive team!!
When someone finally gives us a chance to kick ass for them, I hope it's for your competitor, and we put you out of business.
On a good note... HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY! Go get your drink on!! I'm on my way out now to go fill my belly with plenty of green beer :-)
As I'm reading this email, it talks about what team this new chick is going to be part of, her brackground and experiences, and how she is going to be such a great addition to our company.
Last year, they're were hardly any raises or bonuses in our company. I know this will be the same this year. And as I continue to read this email, I am reminded that this new gal is not replacing anyone on the executive team, she is just being added to it, so my mind starts to wander, and although I am reading about "accomplishments", and a "great team addition" my brain processes these words to be saying, "We're gonna be paying some else a shit ton of money, so y'all aren't going to get any raises or bonuses again" and "We're gonna keep hiring more and more expensive people for no reason, except that it gives us an excuse to not pay everyone else more".
It sucks that as the prices of everything in our country continues to rise, (gas, groceries, etc.) the poor just get poorer, the middle class start becoming poor, and the rich just get richer. Companies are refusing to pay their current employees more, but are very willing to shop and pay very high salaries for someone to come into their company with "a good name" or "a good background". I think that is crap. If you want your company to grow, give your current employee's some incentive! I think it's common knowledge that if someone knows they will get a reward, they are more likely to try harder and perform better. But when we just see new person after new person come in and take over the high positions, it gives the rest of us nothing to work towards because we know we will always be stuck where we are at because you aren't willing to give any of the rest of us the opportunity to show you that we can kick ass at that job, or that we are the answer for the current slump.
Open your eyes executive team!!
When someone finally gives us a chance to kick ass for them, I hope it's for your competitor, and we put you out of business.
On a good note... HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY! Go get your drink on!! I'm on my way out now to go fill my belly with plenty of green beer :-)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What Do You Want From Me?
Monday I got a call from an ex girlfriend, and not just any ex, but THE EX.
I haven't talked about her at all on this blog, because things had ended before I started writing. But this particular ex, Elisa, we my college sweetheart. We dated for 3 years, and when we broke up, it was an absolute mess of a break up. She dated another guy for about 10 months and he was a psycho! I know that he would hit her because she would call me up every couple months, drunk, after they had had a big fight, and tell me thing s he had done. Or maybe he never really did hit her, because she was pretty much a pathological liar. I know this when we were together. She would lie about everything, and towards the end, I started to catch the lies, and then I started to not trust her, and I eventually told her I didn't trust her and that I couldn't be with someone I didn't trust. But I think this guy made things worse, and sometime I think he some how brain washed her.
After her and this guy broke up, she started calling me again because I was the only one who would answer. She had lost every friend she had because of this guy, and she knew I would answer and listen to her. I love this girl. Always have, and always will. We started to get closer again over the next few months and hooked up a few times, but never started dating again.
The guy she had been dating moved to Texas, and last January, she decided she missed him and moved down there with him. I wasn't sure what was happening between us, but I knew I still loved her, and it really hurt for her to just up and leave for that guy again. After that, I dated a few girls, and eventually got serious with one girl. But there was a huge problem. I had a girlfriend who I really liked, but Elisa was really good at calling me every 3 months when she was first with this guy, and just like clock work, she called me 3 months after she moved to Texas. It was like she was always trying to keep me on a hook. And let me tell you, it worked. Because although I really liked this girl, I always knew, and could even admit to myself, that if Elisa came back, I would drop my current girlfriend in a heart beat,
I haven't heard from Elisa in a very long time till Monday, but just like every other time she has called, it brings me back to every memory we ever shared. 3 years is a WHOLE LOT of memories. I swear, the past 2 days, I've heard this song like 12 times...
I hate how something so simple like a phone call can bring feelings back. I don't know if I will ever truly be over this girl, but maybe. I just kinda hurt again and I don't really know why. I know she's not good for me, but a part of me still wants her back and wants to relive everything I shared with her. There really isn't a place in Colorado that doesn't remind me of her. I used to feel like the only way I was going to forget was if I got away from here, and Monday phone call brought that idea back into my head.
Is it really possible to get over someone by covering up and writing over memories, or is the only way to start fresh where there are no memories at all?
I haven't talked about her at all on this blog, because things had ended before I started writing. But this particular ex, Elisa, we my college sweetheart. We dated for 3 years, and when we broke up, it was an absolute mess of a break up. She dated another guy for about 10 months and he was a psycho! I know that he would hit her because she would call me up every couple months, drunk, after they had had a big fight, and tell me thing s he had done. Or maybe he never really did hit her, because she was pretty much a pathological liar. I know this when we were together. She would lie about everything, and towards the end, I started to catch the lies, and then I started to not trust her, and I eventually told her I didn't trust her and that I couldn't be with someone I didn't trust. But I think this guy made things worse, and sometime I think he some how brain washed her.
After her and this guy broke up, she started calling me again because I was the only one who would answer. She had lost every friend she had because of this guy, and she knew I would answer and listen to her. I love this girl. Always have, and always will. We started to get closer again over the next few months and hooked up a few times, but never started dating again.
The guy she had been dating moved to Texas, and last January, she decided she missed him and moved down there with him. I wasn't sure what was happening between us, but I knew I still loved her, and it really hurt for her to just up and leave for that guy again. After that, I dated a few girls, and eventually got serious with one girl. But there was a huge problem. I had a girlfriend who I really liked, but Elisa was really good at calling me every 3 months when she was first with this guy, and just like clock work, she called me 3 months after she moved to Texas. It was like she was always trying to keep me on a hook. And let me tell you, it worked. Because although I really liked this girl, I always knew, and could even admit to myself, that if Elisa came back, I would drop my current girlfriend in a heart beat,
I haven't heard from Elisa in a very long time till Monday, but just like every other time she has called, it brings me back to every memory we ever shared. 3 years is a WHOLE LOT of memories. I swear, the past 2 days, I've heard this song like 12 times...
I hate how something so simple like a phone call can bring feelings back. I don't know if I will ever truly be over this girl, but maybe. I just kinda hurt again and I don't really know why. I know she's not good for me, but a part of me still wants her back and wants to relive everything I shared with her. There really isn't a place in Colorado that doesn't remind me of her. I used to feel like the only way I was going to forget was if I got away from here, and Monday phone call brought that idea back into my head.
Is it really possible to get over someone by covering up and writing over memories, or is the only way to start fresh where there are no memories at all?
Monday, March 14, 2011
I didn't know they let 14 year old into the bar.
Yes, I've been MIA for awhile now, and I know y'all have certainly missed my reflection Mondays right?
Well this weekend was filled with lack of sleep. Stupid daylight savings time!!
Thursday was the usual beer pong Downtown, and unlike the past, ohh, 12 weeks, the bars were hoppin! The weather was very warm and since it was spring break, everyone was out getting their drink on, and the patios were finally open and you didn't even need a jacket. Good deal!
At one point in the night I went to the bathroom, and while at the stall, I once again was hearing strange noises. This time, it wasn't sex noises. I could hear two guys laughing hysterically like 2 teenage girls talking about penises. I heard them walk out the door as I finished my business and went to the sink to wash my hands. As I got to the sink, all you could see was the foam soap all over everything. The mirror was dripping, the faucets were covered, and the floor was soaked. It was like someone just had a foam party in their while I was taking a leak. I couldn't believe it. How old are we? What fricken retard gets so drunk that they think it would be funny to throw soap all over the place? I've done some stupid shit when I'm drunk, but this is pretty out there. Whatever I guess.
Friday night was laid back, and then Saturday I had to umpire a baseball tournament all day. I was beat when I got home, but I cooked Ivy dinner and made some bomb BBQ chicken!! I haven't made BBQ chicken before because I'm a steak guy, so I usually pick steak over chicken, but I let Ivy choose dinner, and I was up to make a solid dinner. Which I did! I am becoming quite the griller if I haven't mentioned that before. Anyways, while everyone else was downtown getting drunk since the afternoon, we just had some friends over to her place. It was a good night just chilling with people who can actually handle their alcohol, and we didn't have to deal with deafening loud music.
Unfortunately I had to get up early to umpire again, and the time change made me super tired. But when I arrived at the fields on Sunday, I was greeted by one of the most peaceful things I know. For some reason, I think that the sound of crows in the morning is very peaceful. I don't know why, they just are. I guess it reminds me of camping, when you wake up early, step out of your tent and you can still see your breath. The sun is just rising above the mountains, shadows are taller than they will be all day, and you just hear a crow squawking in the distance.
I love spring!!
Well this weekend was filled with lack of sleep. Stupid daylight savings time!!
Thursday was the usual beer pong Downtown, and unlike the past, ohh, 12 weeks, the bars were hoppin! The weather was very warm and since it was spring break, everyone was out getting their drink on, and the patios were finally open and you didn't even need a jacket. Good deal!
At one point in the night I went to the bathroom, and while at the stall, I once again was hearing strange noises. This time, it wasn't sex noises. I could hear two guys laughing hysterically like 2 teenage girls talking about penises. I heard them walk out the door as I finished my business and went to the sink to wash my hands. As I got to the sink, all you could see was the foam soap all over everything. The mirror was dripping, the faucets were covered, and the floor was soaked. It was like someone just had a foam party in their while I was taking a leak. I couldn't believe it. How old are we? What fricken retard gets so drunk that they think it would be funny to throw soap all over the place? I've done some stupid shit when I'm drunk, but this is pretty out there. Whatever I guess.
Friday night was laid back, and then Saturday I had to umpire a baseball tournament all day. I was beat when I got home, but I cooked Ivy dinner and made some bomb BBQ chicken!! I haven't made BBQ chicken before because I'm a steak guy, so I usually pick steak over chicken, but I let Ivy choose dinner, and I was up to make a solid dinner. Which I did! I am becoming quite the griller if I haven't mentioned that before. Anyways, while everyone else was downtown getting drunk since the afternoon, we just had some friends over to her place. It was a good night just chilling with people who can actually handle their alcohol, and we didn't have to deal with deafening loud music.
Unfortunately I had to get up early to umpire again, and the time change made me super tired. But when I arrived at the fields on Sunday, I was greeted by one of the most peaceful things I know. For some reason, I think that the sound of crows in the morning is very peaceful. I don't know why, they just are. I guess it reminds me of camping, when you wake up early, step out of your tent and you can still see your breath. The sun is just rising above the mountains, shadows are taller than they will be all day, and you just hear a crow squawking in the distance.
I love spring!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Nabbing That First Kiss
On the drive home from work yesterday, one of the radio stations I listen to was talking about first dates and if they should involve kissing. It was interesting to hear all the people who called in and gave their opinions. It seemed that a lot of guys were calling in saying they didn't kiss on the first date out of respect for the women. And then a lot of women were calling in saying they wanted a kiss on the first date. I'm not sure if guys were just calling in to sound nice and gain some points or something, but this is how I feel about this whole thing.
I can easily call myself a kissing whore. I can go out and find a woman who I don't think is attractive, but yet still end up sucking face with her later that night. 99% of the time, I have been the one who makes the move for the first kiss. It has never mattered to me whether it was the first date, or the fifth. If I feel like kissing you, I'm going to do it. If you reject me, that's your call, but I'm not going to be mad about it. Maybe you just weren't ready. But again, I'll let the woman make that call.
I feel like the guys who were saying, "I don't kiss on the first date out of respect for the woman", are the same guys who are going to end up ordering the woman's meals for her when they go out. Who ever told you that you need to make a decision for a woman?
Maybe she wants to kiss you really bad, but is just too afraid to make the first move. Don't take it upon yourself to decide what is best for the relationship. What if the girl moves in to kiss you? Are you going to deny her because you are trying to "respect" her?
This is why people have so many problems with dating these days. Everyone is trying so hard to not make previous mistakes and trying to figure out what the other person wants, that they forget dating involves you as well. What about what you want? You should always take care of yourself first when it comes to the beginning of any relationship. I mean let's be honest here, if you like someone and want to talk to them, go talk to them. Do you expect them to just come talk to you? Not always gonna be the case. Make the move. Go for it. Have some courage. What's the worst that happens... they say no (in some fashion).
You can't be scared of rejection. Everyone likes confidence. The more confident you are with yourself and your actions, the more comfortable someone else is going to be with what is happening.
If I timidly try to kiss a girl, chances are the kiss isn't going to be great and she isn't going to want another.
When a person thinks about themselves in the beginning of a relationship, it shouldn't be mistaken as just being selfish. You are both trying to figure out if this is something that could go somewhere am i right? So why would you neglect everything that is important to you, just so that you become the "perfect match" for the other person. That person has to be a perfect match for you also. Respect shouldn't be misconstrued as taking control of a relationship. Respect is being considerate of the other person's feelings and opinions.
Enough jibberish... If you have a chance to kiss someone, just go for it.
I can easily call myself a kissing whore. I can go out and find a woman who I don't think is attractive, but yet still end up sucking face with her later that night. 99% of the time, I have been the one who makes the move for the first kiss. It has never mattered to me whether it was the first date, or the fifth. If I feel like kissing you, I'm going to do it. If you reject me, that's your call, but I'm not going to be mad about it. Maybe you just weren't ready. But again, I'll let the woman make that call.
I feel like the guys who were saying, "I don't kiss on the first date out of respect for the woman", are the same guys who are going to end up ordering the woman's meals for her when they go out. Who ever told you that you need to make a decision for a woman?
Maybe she wants to kiss you really bad, but is just too afraid to make the first move. Don't take it upon yourself to decide what is best for the relationship. What if the girl moves in to kiss you? Are you going to deny her because you are trying to "respect" her?
This is why people have so many problems with dating these days. Everyone is trying so hard to not make previous mistakes and trying to figure out what the other person wants, that they forget dating involves you as well. What about what you want? You should always take care of yourself first when it comes to the beginning of any relationship. I mean let's be honest here, if you like someone and want to talk to them, go talk to them. Do you expect them to just come talk to you? Not always gonna be the case. Make the move. Go for it. Have some courage. What's the worst that happens... they say no (in some fashion).
You can't be scared of rejection. Everyone likes confidence. The more confident you are with yourself and your actions, the more comfortable someone else is going to be with what is happening.
If I timidly try to kiss a girl, chances are the kiss isn't going to be great and she isn't going to want another.
When a person thinks about themselves in the beginning of a relationship, it shouldn't be mistaken as just being selfish. You are both trying to figure out if this is something that could go somewhere am i right? So why would you neglect everything that is important to you, just so that you become the "perfect match" for the other person. That person has to be a perfect match for you also. Respect shouldn't be misconstrued as taking control of a relationship. Respect is being considerate of the other person's feelings and opinions.
Enough jibberish... If you have a chance to kiss someone, just go for it.
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