Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Night Terrors


It seems to me that most people sleep a lot better when laying in bed with someone else. I have heard countless times from my friends that they, "Like a warm body next to them". Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. It's not that I don't like sleeping next to someone, I just sleep like shit when someone is laying next to me. I have had girls tell me it is because my bed must not be comfortable for me. But when I stay at their place, in the "Most comfortable bed in the world" they tell me, I still sleep like shit!!

I was with a girl for 3 years, and it wasn't really till the end of that relationship that I started sleeping ok next to her. I am pretty sure this is just a comfort issue. When I am trying to sleep next to someone, I worry about WAY too many things that I don't need to worry about. For instance, when I am alone in a bed, I move around a lot because it is hard for me to get comfortable. And I'm not talking just slight movements, I'm talking about some violent rolling over action going on in my bed. I am completely aware of this, and when a lady is in the bed with me, I start finding myself moving as gently as possible. I don't want to wake my bed partner because I can't get comfortable, so I often sit in uncomfortable positions for long periods of time trying to decide when I should make the next movement.

I like to cuddle in the bed, and as long as you do too, I don't mind wrapping my arms around you all night spooning. That is pretty comfortable to me, but then again, that also brings up its own issues. I start wondering if I am breathing on your neck and if it is annoying. How's my breath? How's my breath??

Eventually I can fall sleep, but then I'll wake up because I thought I heard myself snore. Did I snore? Did she hear me snore? Can someone even hear themselves snore? I don't think so. But this is the type of shit that goes through my head when I am laying next to a woman in bed.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Someone Who Can't Take Their Beating

Headed to a party Saturday night where I was thoroughly impressed at first. Ivy invited me to her cousin's party. From what I was told, this was just a normal house party . No special occasion, no themes. When we arrive, there is a DJ in the living room with a full club style set up. By "club style" I mean that he had a table with a full switch board, turn tables, the works. He had a hand full of giant speakers and a huge bass. Next, there was an ice sculpture luge with his address displayed in the middle. It was like a walked into a frat house.

Who has house parties like this? I could see if this was a birthday celebration, but seriously...


The night was moving along just fine, having a blast, drinking some beer, playing some pong, when a fight broke out on the back porch. My best friend and I took a look to make sure it was no one that we came with, which was a possibility of 2 girls, and 2 guys. It was not, so we stayed inside, kept drinking, and minded our own business. After a few minutes, a small group of guys rushed out of the front door, and when they walked back in past us, one of them was holding a knife, straight out in front of him, with a determined "I'm going to stab someone" look on his face.

At that moment I decided it was time to leave. None of the other 4 other people we inside with us. We had no idea where they were. All of a sudden... POP...POP... you hear screams and people just scatter like a disturbed ant hill.
I had no idea where Ivy or her friends were.
Was she outside?
Is she ok?
Where is she?
I don't recall ever being that worried in my life. I wasn't scared or worried about being shot myself, I was just worried that something could have happened to Ivy.


Next thing I know, Ivy and her 3 friends come walking down the stairs. "What happened" they ask. "We're getting the fuck outta here now! That's what happened"

Maybe i'm mistaken, but who the fuck brings weapons into a fist fight. How I was raised, if you were dumb enough to start a fight in the first place, you better just take your beating if you can't handle it. I'm not saying that friends shouldn't jump in, because I have been in 2 fights my whole life, and both of them I jumped in because it was my best friend who was in the fight. But I brought my fists and anger. I didn't go run to my car and grab my knife because i'm a pussy, I jumped in knowing we were gonna win this fair and square. Guess it's times like that where you find out who the real cowards are.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Bar Bathroom Sex

I am not known for posting on Fridays, but I just had to share my FB status with y'all from late last night...

There is some man on woman sex going on in the handicap stall, mens bathroom, at lodos right now


That's right... I was taking a pee at the urinal and heard some, "not so public bathroom" sounds coming from the stall behind me. I listened closely and then tweeked my head down a bit to see a pair of high heels in front of a de-pants pair of legs.
 
This has easliy been the most "liked" status I have ever posted. My FB friends are obviously closet freak whores!! But hey, it is pretty damn funny. I had one friend comment on my post, "I like how you clarify the type of sex ha."  At the time, I felt this was neccessary. In my drunken state, I thought that if I said "there is some sex going on in the mens bathroom" people might mistake it for gay man sex. I over think things when i'm drunk apparently.

Just thought I'd share with y'all. Hope it wasn't any of you in there ;-)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Questions You Least Expect

Yesterday a friend of mine at work emailed me saying she needed some dating advice. I was totally up for this because I tend to think of myself as pretty good at dating . I can't garantee total success, that's why I won't clame to be an expert. By no means do I know, or pretend to know everything, but I know a lot about the dating scene. I go out on TONS of dates. On the other hand, I have proven to not be so good at relationships as you have read.

Anyways, when my friend arrives at my cube, she completely shocked me with how SHE started the conversation... "So, i've been seeing this girl"

HELLOOOOOOO! Didn't expect that one!


So after struggling through some constant images of girl on girl action, I tried to give the best advice I could.
Yes, I'm a man, so when a girl tells me she is dating another girl, I automatically have girl on girl images in my mind.

The question came down to this... When is it ok to have the "Where is this going talk".
My friend mentioned that she met this girl on Halloween.
How ironic. Seems like I was not the only one that had a successfull halloween.
I thought about this for a little bit and probably mumbled out some pointless crap, but I eventually got some good points out. In my opinion, anytime before 2 months is a bad time to have this kind of chat. The first couple of months you are still trying to get to know each other. You are still trying to get a feel for if this is more than a physical attraction or not. Let's be honest with ourselves, everyone starts dating someone they don't know based on their looks. If you didn't find them attractive, you wouldn't blindly hand out your number and start talking to them. I think after a few months of hanging out, it is totally acceptable to bring up the question "where is this going". Because no one wants to spend more than a couple months out of the game if they know the bench they are sitting on isn't worth it.

Here are a couple instances when I think it is also acceptable to bring up this talk:

1) Their friends start throwing around the term "boyfriend/girlfriend" very loosely in front of this other person and they don't seem at all awkward or appalled. This means they are obviously ok with this term, and hence it's probably ok to ask them what might be going on for sure between the two of you.

2) You are sleeping with this person very regularly. Unless it was agreed upon from the beginning that this was just a friends with benefits thing, again, I think this is an appropriate cause to the serious conversation. Everyone deserves the right to know if the sex is more than just "emotional attachment-less" sex.

3) One of you live out of state, or at least a significant distance away from each other. This might be more along the lines of a "Can this actually last" talk, but it still calls for a serious talk if you are seeing this person everytime you are in town together.

4) Offering to move in with one another. I think this one is a given, but if you haven't had that talk at this point and still don't know... HAVE THE TALK!


These are just a few of the things that come to mind for me. Anyone else know something the rest of us should know as well?


Welp, I'm off to dinner with Ivy. She had a really crappy day, so i'm gonna take her out and make her feel appreciated. Don't let my "man whore" blogs cloud your vision. I really am a nice guy and treat girls like royalty.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My Bed is about to get a lot Lonelier

Ivy invited me out with a few of her friends on Friday night and I told her I would drive so she could drink and not have to worry about driving home. Good move right?

We hit some bar that was definitely an older crowd, but it was cool since it had a couple dart boards and AWESOME drink specials. Can't beat 3 beers for $3.75!! After the girls got hit on by some old creepers, we decided to make our way downtown. The night was going great until Ivy's friend passed the line of "fun drunk" and entered "annoying drunk". She kept trying to pick fights with other girls and was just screaming randomly. These are the times when I hate being DD because I hate babysitting! I had to suck this one up though and not say anything. Still trying to impress Ivy and her friends.

I drove the super drunk one home and then proceeded to Ivy's house where I walked her in like I always do, and then came the awkward "should I stay, should I go" debate. We stood in the doorway making out a bit before I said I should probably go. We then continued to make out some more on the couch. Ivy then said I looked really tired and asked if I'd be ok driving home. I told her yes, unless she wanted me to stay. She replies, "You can stay if you want".
Let me just say this ladies; don't give a man an open ended question like that. DO WE WANT TO? OF COURSE WE WANT TO STAY!! But the real question is do YOU want us to? I suppose after all these years I should just know that that type of open question always means you girls want us to. Am I right?
I totally ended up staying, and things got way hotter in the bedroom. I didn't go to bed till about 4am, and then left at 5:30 so I could run home to grab my snowboard gear and hit the mountain. 1.5hrs of sleep??? TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

My plan was to stay in the mountains at a buddy's condo for the night, when I got a text around 9:30 saying, "I wish you came back tonight. I need a swing partner and you are totally welcome to stay at my place again ;-)"
I think it was the wink that sold me... On my way down the mountain I came! I was absolutely beat from no sleep and boarding all day, but hey, you can sleep all you want when you are dead right? I had a pretty solid night, but the best part was Sunday morning when, for the second morning in a row, I awoke to this gorgeous woman with her head on my chest, and her arm tightly wrapped around my ribs.
This is something you definitely don't get with one night stands or fuck buddies. During both of those situations, you do the dirty and then you both turn your backs, curl up with yourself, and wake up ready to get the hell out of there.
If it wasn't for Ivy having to work, I could have stayed there all day in bed with her just like that.

I definitely had some mixed emotions this weekend. After Friday, I was ready to pull the rug on things with Ivy. I think this was because I have been so used to things just crumbling after that "one night together" so I freaked a bit, afraid that I wasn't going to get a night number two. The girls I have been dating for months, just get weird after a hot steamy night. Toot it & Boot it maybe? Well, that didn't happen, and Sunday I felt relieved actually. Like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I got a feeling my bed is going to be seeing a whole lot less of me.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Give Me that White Stuff

Who opened this blog just because of the title? No you dirty whores! Not that white stuff!!

I think I seriously need to write a letter to Old Man Winter and see if he is on vacation or what. Tomorrow it is suppose to be 60 in Denver. That's spring weather right there. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SNOW OLD MAN?!?!?!?!?!

I know there are lots of people out there that hate the snow, but I absolutely love it. I think the snow makes things so peaceful outside. We have had some flakes fall around here, but nothing close to accumulation. This normally happens in late October or November. It's almost December for crying out loud!! Can I just please have some snow already? I know that I can take an hour drive up the mountain to find it, but that sure is a lot of gas. You're killin' me winter. You're KILLIN'' me!

Monday, December 6, 2010

And it Begins...

I now have successfully added "axle shafts/bearings/seals" to my growing mechanics resume. I found out last week that I had a worn our axle shaft. So down and greasy I got, fixin' the beast. Friday night I kept working on my Jeep for the third night in a row and finally got all the new crap put in. What can I say? I like fixing cars, and I usually do a damn good job. I think Jess can support that.



After cleaning up, Ivy came over to watch a movie with me. She brought along some chocolate cake since she knew I had somewhat of a rough week with work, tests at the doctors, and then the Jeep. She is such a sweetheart. Later that night, some PG-13 action went down on the couch.



Saturday I finished putting the Jeep back together and went to the Parade of Lights with Ivy and a few friends. It was crowded and cold, but I had great company and I didn't care. Afterwards we went to a bar where me and Ivy just sat and talked for a long time. At one point, I brought up how good she looked and she told me I didn't look too bad myself. The conversation continued down the looks path when she said, "If you weren't so good looking I wouldn't talk to you." At first I felt kind of hurt, because did that mean I have a shit personality? Then I realized karma was knocking on my door. This is totally something I normally say. I now understand that even if you can admit to yourself that you are shallow, you should never admit to other folks you are shallow. For now, it's ok though, because Ivy and I had a good conversation about how we are both shallow. It was interesting how that conversation made me feel bad and good. Good that she thought I was good looking, but bad that if I wasn't it seems I wouldn't have been able to talk my way into a date with her. Oh well. Karma's a bitch right?



Sunday me and my boys finally tasted the first beer we brewed together about 3 weeks ago. It turned out good, but we are still a long ways from opening a brewery. We bottle our second beer tomorrow and we'll see how that one goes.



As this is reflection Monday, I want to point out a few things. I believe that no matter who you are, you start dating someone based on initial attraction, but there is always a specific time when you realize that you REALLY like that person. For me, that moment with Ivy happened on Saturday. Maybe it was the way she laid her head on my shoulder while watching the movie on Friday. Maybe it was the "Good Morning" text I received the next morning. Maybe it was the way she wrapped her arms around me at the parade on Saturday. Maybe it's the way she smiles when I kiss her. Maybe it's the fact that I've been getting super annoyed with the way Chi has been acting lately. I don't know. But I do know that Sunday I couldn't stop thinking about Ivy and I couldn't wait to see her again.



I am a totally hopeless romantic, and recently when talking to Chi, she mentioned that she is not romantic at all and she didn't really care for romantic type stuff. Ivy seems to be a romantic as well. I have mentioned things like carriage rides, zoo lights, and stuff that is more about the company then it is what you are doing, and she just lights up.

Quickly thought I'd mention that Ivy has this one facial expression where one side of her upper lip lifts and the skin next to her nose kind crinkles up. I think it is so sexy and cute.

I think I have made up my mind of who I would really like to date, and since I really hate when girls play games with me, I will not play games with Chi. Time to start drawing back and let her know I’m no longer interested in anything more than friends.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Beer Goggles Lead to Ugly Babies

I just want to start by saying that I am totally shallow. I know this. My friends know this. At least I can admit it.

My hypothesis goes like this... Too many people get drunk at bars, pick the first rando that gives them a sexy stare down, takes them home, does the dirty, and wakes up in the morning thinking, "Huh???" This simple "Huh" explains the entire night before, and the future.
After years of research, I have determined that each and every person starts a night of drinking with a 1-10 scale comparison of another person, and everyone enters the night hoping to meet and seduce a successful 10. However, for every hour you continue to drink and the night comes closer to an end, you begin to drop those initial standards to looking for a 9, an 8, so on and so forth. At the same time, another effect is happening. The continuation of drinking starts making 1's look like 2's. 3's look like 4's. So on and so forth. So at the end of the night, you are content with taking a 6 or 7 home. And with those beer goggles on, you think you have one, when in reality you wake up without those goggles on and realize you went home with a 3 or 4. This may not be your typical type, and hence you flee. If conception occurred, you have a 50% chance this kid will end up a 3 or 4 as well. This is unfortunate.



Last night at the cowboy bar, I had some serious beer goggles on. I was shwasted and having a great time! At some point I wondered away from the group to chat up a few ladies. Not sure how it happened, but I started swing dancing with one of the girls, and yes, was having a great time still! A few of my friends walked past me a few times, and usually if you are dancing with someone that your friends know you wouldn't want to dance with sober, they will save you and pull you away... right? Well, apparently this doesn't happen when your friends have the beer goggles on too.

After the country songs were done and the hip hop came on, this girl undid my tie and started wrapping it around me and pulling me closer and what not.
Yes, I was wearing a tie out at the bars last night. We all decided to dress up just because... because we look damn good and don't care what everyone else though.

The tie was now in her possession.

Just the phrase "beer goggles" explains exactly what happened to me last night. I eyes might have been causing a lack in physical judgment, but my hands certainly did not commit the same crime.

The bumpin' and grindin' started happening, and from the way this chick was dancing, she was totally DTF. Once I started grabbing her and bringing her closer to my man junk, I realized my arms were a bit wider than I normally care for. I was with a 3 or 4!! I quickly realized my eyes had lead me down the ugly baby path and I made for a quick get away to the "Bathroom". Once finding my friends, they pointed out the absence of my tie. MY TIE! MY AWESOME FUCKIN TIE!! DAMMIT!!! It a terrible shame, but rest in piece blue/silver/black tie, you have become collateral damage.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Red Flags a Flyin'

Recently I have heard a lot about "red flags" while dating someone. And I have never understood what these are. I mean, because to me, every person you ever meet is going to be different and unique compared to any other person. But, any person could also have simular qualities or tastes or attributes as any other person as well. But that doesn't mean two people are the exact same. That doesn't mean that just because you hear one thing that you don't like about something is enough to equal a failing relationship.

I might have found the realization to the "red flag" saying tonight though.

When you find youself not wanting to know more about a person because you are afraid of what you might find out... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you are laying next to someone asking yourself the question, "Why am I even here?"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!


When you are trying to kiss someone and they just pucker up with no passion... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you tell someone you want to take them on a surprise date, and they guess what it is and then say, "Maybe we can just go to dinner instead"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you tell someone that you like hangin out with them and their only response is, "Aww, you're sweet"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!





Red flags do not mean "Keep going for it". They are called red flags for a reason.

 

Monday, November 29, 2010

Who I Am and Who i've Been

I have decided that 4 day weekends are a terrible thing for me. Yes they are relaxing and I can stay up as late as I want and then sleep in as late as I want, but they also leave me bored with nothing to do but ponder and think. And what does one ponder and think about when they are bored???

That's right...

The Past!


Last week was a very relaxing week for me, and the only night I went out to a bar was Wednesday night. But I didn't go that night for the drinking, I went for the dancing. Ivy didn't know how to swing dance, and so i figured I'd show her. So we went out to a cowboy bar and got our dance on. Me and Ivy actually spent a ton of time together last week. Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Saturday night! Since Chi was back home in Chicago, it left me wide open to hang out with Ivy as much as possible. I'm not sure if this was a good thing or bad thing yet.

I have always been the type to over analyse things, especially relationships. Last week I did a ton of analysing. I realized that I have two different styles of relationships, and right now I have them both. First, things with Ivy are good. They have been moving really slow and I haven't made any moves beyond making out, and I'm perfectly content with that. Ivy is a complete sweetheart and when I believe a woman to be that way, and I actually like her, I have a hard time making moves because I don't want to scare them away or make them think I only want sex. Then there is Chi. This girl is completely gorgeous and a ton of fun, but she is the sexual outgoing type. I haven't had any problems making moves on Chi, because I can just read that she is ok with everything I am doing when I'm doing it. But, I don't feel any stability with her.

There are certain girls (or guys for you ladies) that you just know you have to be wary of. You know they could be trouble, they could be heart breakers, and leave you face down in the mud. Yet, those are the type you probably fall for most often. That's been my experiences anyway. Maybe I'm self destructing things with Chi because I started things off with a lie. And although i came clean, i still feel bad. I'm also one of those that says a relationship can be just fine when sex starts very early on, but I really know that is a lie. I just try to fool myself into a good rationalization. I know when things are just booty calls, and I'm ok with that. But when I don't know what they are or what they could lead to, that's when I start questioning everything.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I have been hurt in the past, and I have also done my share of hurting, and right now I don't want to experience either of those with either of these girls. I have, and always will, believe that dating multiple people at once is a totally ok thing until you start getting serious, or that sex becomes involved. Right now, I have not had sex with either girl, but I feel it happening very soon with Chi just because of the sexual limits we have already reached with one another. So once that happens, does that mean i have made my decision on who I'm keeping around and who I'm dumping? I know this situation is not fair. Or maybe it is? How do I know that Chi is possibly just looking for a friend with benefits? Maybe Ivy isn't really that into me, but she's keeping me around till something better comes along?

How come I had 4 days off to get my pitiful-relationship-analysis-thinking-cap dusted off and slapped on?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Award!

So, a week ago the spunky little German Jessica at http://littmssunshine.blogspot.com/ gave me an award. It's about time a accept this award.



In order to accept the award I have to tell you 7 things about myself, and then pass on the award to 3 other people. So here goes...

1) I am absolutely addicted to Jeeps. I have just about anything you can buy the says "Jeep" on it. I have magazines and calendars. I have signs and mouse pads, and just all kinds of crap. If I'm walking through a parking lot and see a nice looking Jeep, i will go out of my way to wonder over to it and check it. Most of the time just to say, "Mine's better".

2)I have a tie fetish. I have probably along the lines of 30 different ties, and I hardly wear any of them. I just love the look of a tie. I once spent $30 for a tie!

3) I have been in love twice, experienced lots of lust, and am still obsessed with my great white buffalo.
(For those who haven't seen Hot Tub Time Machine, great white buffalo stands for the one that got away)

4) If I could have any job in the world, I would be a rally car racers.

5) I collect beer bottles. Now I do have a few bottles from the large breweries like Coors and Bud, but only a few or the anniversary or unique bottles. The rest of my collection is from micro brews. I think they make the best labels and so I started collecting them when I was in college.

6) I have never been out of the country. This includes Canada.

7) My (current) big dream is to open a brewery. A couple  buddies and I have recently started brewing beer in an effort to find something we love. I got really excited recently when I found out that the owners of Dogfish Head Brewery started brewing beer in their garage 10 gallons at a time in 1993. In 1995 they opened a restaurant/brewery and now revenue about $10-$20 millions annually. Now that gets me excited!



It is now time to pass this award along to three new folks, and here are my selections...



And finally, I must have a thing for Jessica's, but..




Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Power of the Accent

How is it that I am such a sucker for a girl with an accent? I know that a lot of people are attracted to accents, but they usually have a couple specific accents that turn them on. ME... I LOVE ALMOST ANY ACCENT FROM ANYWHERE!!

Now I'm not trying to be racist here, but there are a couple accents that I don't enjoy. Indian and Asian. Although I have a great Asian impression that makes anyone laugh. Trust me, it's hilarious.

The past week, I have been surrounded by so many accents I thought I was in a fantasy. Kinda like when I was in New Orleans and went to a white linen party, where everyone wore white... I think white is amazingly hot on a women... So real life fantasy... Umm... CHECK!

When I was in high school we had an Australian foreign exchange student who just mesmerized me. She was fairly cute, and had a good body, but she had most horrific grill I have ever seen. A bad grill is very unattractive, but every time this girl started talking, it was like those windows 7 commercial; She instantly turned into a babe. She could have been talking about cleaning out a porta potty and I would have still been intrigued by her speech. Now I know that everyone falls for the Aussie accent, but this was just the beginning of my weakness for accents.

  I went snowboarding on Saturday with a couple friends from Dallas. A couple of their friends came to town also from Dallas, and they were talking about how some people make fun of them for saying y'all and other things they say down in Texas, and I honestly don't know how that could be. I love hearing words that aren't said around here. They could talk about bringing in the cows all night for all I care. I would listen to everything they said. The whole south has their own thing going on when it comes to certain words and accents, they I just can't get enough of. I once went to the bank where my teller was this cute little thing from Arkansas. After talking to her that first time, I started going into the bank like twice a week. I would pull cash from my ATM one day, just so that I could walk inside, deposit it into the same account, and just listen to this girl talk for a few minutes. How creepy is that right? Needless to say, once she brought up the boyfriend, I stopped that non sense. I think I am destined to marry a southern bell.

I also rode up on the lift once with a couple from Canada. Even their accents were interesting. EAY? However they might spell that word, I have no idea, but maybe I'll start incorporating that into my every day language just like y'all. Ha, probably not. It just sounds stupid coming from an American.

Now Chi is obviously from Chicago, and she asked me the other day if she sounded stupid saying certain words. I could never think that because to me, the accent is like a good pair of high heels or a good pair of jeans. Every woman has a certain level of attractiveness about themselves. Put on a good pair of high heels to accentuate the calfs, or a good pair of jeans to lift the butt into a beautifully round orb, and walla... A 7 girl becomes a 9. At least while she is wearing those. The difference is, the accent never goes away!! But without the accent, the girl would drop a notch or two on the attractive scale.

Continuing about the oddity of the past week, I had to go to a special hospital for some health reasons, and I swear, every women in that place had an accent from somewhere. My nurse had to have been from Russia or some country around there, and although I couldn't understand most of the stuff she was saying, I just nodded my head because I didn't care what she said, I was lost in the accent. She could have told me to sign my bank account information on a piece of paper and I would have done it. That's just how powerful accents are to me!

There is one thing I want to know though. From what I have experienced, people from the western states don't have accents at all. Now when I say western, I'm going to include every state South and West of the Dakotas with exceptions to Texas and Oklahoma. Now Californians have certain words all to there own, but they don't have accents. Am I the only one who thinks this? What about you eastern folks... do you think folks from out this way have accents at all?

Monday, November 22, 2010

The 2am Booty Call

Friday night I had a date with Chi and it was kind of a hard date to plan. Obviously dinner was not a problem, but I had no idea what to do after dinner. Usually a bar, or some kind of club sounds like a good choice, but seeing that Chi is not 21, I had some difficulties coming up with ideas that didn't involve ID checks. My first idea was to go to this new indoor go kart racing center, but turns out they were closed for the night for a private party. So since I had no ideas, after dinner Chi suggested just renting a movie. Sounded good to me!

We rented Grown Ups and watched  most of the movie ;-)

I don't know how in my 24 years, I had never experienced this before, but in the past few months I have now only had 2 girls pull on my shirt collar while making out, and I have to say... IT IS THE BIGGEST TURN ON EVER!!
(If you haven't already, go ahead and put that one in your bag of tricks ladies)
Chi was a great kisser, and that is a must for any kind of spark I must say. I think everyone would agree with that, but I did spend a few months with a girl who was a terrible kisser but amazing in the sack. For awhile i tried to use her awesomeness in the bedroom as the offset for her horrific kissing tactics, but I know now that that is just not enough. Kissing is probably the first thing you ever learn with the opposite sex, so you should have it down to a science by the time you leave high school. IMO.

Anyways, it was really nice to stay in for once and have some couch time with someone. I have missed that for sure. I know that I was recently writing about that, and I am assuming that would be one thing Chi will bring to the table a lot seeing that she is under age. She's going back home to Chicago for the Holiday, so I won't be seeing her for the next week.

Saturday I was downtown getting my drink on for the first time all week, and we spent a lot of time at the Cowboy bar. I busted out my swing skills to impress a few ladies and it did the right kind of charming. While talking to one lady, my buddy Gary pulled out the best wingman phrase I have ever heard. I'm not sure what made him decide he needed to talk me up since I was doing just fine, but Gary started to compare me to a salmon. Neither of us remember the entire phrase since we were drinking. But I know that he started out by telling this girl I was a great catch. He concluded this statement with this,
 "He is like the salmon of men. Like a big 24 inch salmon. You can't find them everywhere, but when one is right in front of you, you better snag it"
I have never laughed so hard in my life. But thank you Gary. And This chick must have been digging it, because she stuck around the rest of the night.

Now I know you are wondering, "Where does your title fit into all of this Ryan?" Well, as the bars were closing, I got a text from Snow White.
"Hey"
Now everyone knows, that is the 2am text that might as well read, "Let's get it on". But this was snow white. The same chick that told me on our date last week, that she only wanted to be friends.
Turns out, that didn't matter. Snow white (SW) was asking where I was at, and if I wanted to come over. It was her birthday and she needed some birthday sex. I don't ever let my friends down, so over I came. I hadn't even walked in the door completely when SW throws herself on me. We start wrestling our way to her room as clothes are being thrown off. At this point, I no longer felt like a salmon. I was totally a bear ready to ravage.
We make it to the bed where things start to get hot, when I notice I have an audience to my right. SW has a husky that was just sitting next to the bed watching my every move. At first I was a little thrown off, but I soon got over it, as it's just a dog right? Well as the dirty is happening, the dog starts to howl!! I'm like "WTF?!" How is a man suppose to perform with a dog howling a foot away from you? I guess it could have been worse though. I have heard stories of dogs barking aggressively at men during sex, or even biting them! That's something you will never find on my bucket list, "Get bit in the ass by a golden retriever while nailing his master" NOPE NOPE NOPE!

SW eventually locked the dog out of the room, so we could continue. After about an hour, we did it again. And then again when I awoke in the morning. I was thoroughly confused as to why she had said what she had the week before, but either way, this busted another slump for me. The last time I had sex multiple times in a 8 hour period, was back in March. That is definitely something else I have missed for sure.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Why I Suck at Operation

Tonight my best friend and I were brewing our second beer, and towards the end of the process I was holding up the thermometer to take a temperature reading and I just couldn't hold it steady for the life of me. Gary and I started talking about how it was a good thing I never wanted to be a doctor because I have the shakiest hands he has ever seen. This is true. For some reason I am always shaky. Some people get shaky if they don't have enough food or sugar, some shake after drinking coffee, some shake after certain drugs, but me, I shake pretty much all the time. I have no idea why this is, but I figured it brings up a good topic for tonight.... Nerves

Although I shake slightly all the time, I shake a ton when I get nervous. You have all heard the saying "Nerves of steel", well the saying for me is easily, "Nerves of Jello". It is so easy to tell when I am nervous, even when I myself don't think i'm nervous. For example, on multiple occasions in the bedroom, I have been told by women that I don't need to be nervous. When I tell them I'm not, they say, "Why are you shaking then?". SHIT, I didn't even know I was shaking, guess I just get so used to it being a normal thing for me, that I don't notice. Whatever though, I guess the more you are with me you will start to see that I'm just abnormally shaky.

I sometimes wonder if the strength of your nervous is built around your fears. If you don't fear a lot of things, does that mean your nerves are stronger and you don't get nervous as eaily? If that's true, I can totally see why my nerves are like jello. I fear some rediculous things. Like for one, my biggest fear of all is a paper cut in the eye. People think i'm crazy for that, but come on. Everyone knows how much a little paper cut on their finger hurts, and how much somthing in your eye hurts, well what if the two meet?? I kinda freak out when people hold papers or mail or anything like that in my face.

I also fear audiences, which is weird for me seeing that I grew up a 3 sport athlete and was used to having crowds around for those. I know that I get nervous before games a little, but when people are watching me not so much. The audience types of talking about, are like when I am talking in front of people I don't know or when I used to play in the jazz band and I had a solo. That's when I got extremely nervous. Because all eyes are on you. What if I fuck up? What if I do somthing stupid? What if i'm being video taped? Again, stupid fear, but a fear none the less.

I have accepted the fact that I have very shaky hands and thats ok with me. I know that i'll never be a doctor. I know I'll never be a good rifle hunter. I know that i'll never be able to beat my kids at the game operation. But so what?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Cat's Out of the Bag

I woke up this morning to a text that was sent to me last night after I had passed out from the Nyquil I took. The text was from Chi, whom I had been texting off and on with all night.

"Hey this is random but do you still go to Regis or did you graduate already?

There it was, right in front of me. The question that was going to doom me. Not only had I lied to Chi from the beginning, but she figured it out before I could even come clean to her. I had no idea how she had figured it out, but if she's asking the question, she must know so I had no option but to come clean. I text her back and told her that I figured i'd be telling her this in person and not over text, but yes I had graduated. I also told her that I was worried she'd freak if she knew my real age.

After I replied I wasn't sure what her response would be, nor if I would even get one. Turns out, Chi's response shocked me a little. In a nut shell, she told me she got why I lied to her, but that if it reassures me at all, she usually dates older guys. She then asked if I felt weird about talking to a younger girl. I replied with no not at all because I have dated a lot of younger girls, she is just the biggest gap I have experienced yet. Chi then asked me my age. I told her and she responded with,
"Oh that's not bad at all. I mean i'm 19. Not like i'm 17 lol"

I told her that it's funny she said that, because when she told me she was a freshman, that's exactly what I was afraid of; she was 17 or 18.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this before, but if I would have known she was 19, I would have never lied to her. Oh well though. I asked Chi what made her ask me that question that night before, and she said she just thought it was weird how I was never on campus, I never talked about my classes, and that I never seemed to be doing homework. She's a pretty smart girl. I don't know too many that would put all that together. When she asked questions about classes or what not, I didn't want to lie so I just danced around the questions and changed subjects. I know that I'm a bad lier, but I thought I handled those question pretty good, haha, yea right. 

Needless to say, Chi wasn't hurt that I had lied to her. Guess you were right "M" .

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sleeper Sunday

I know that I have already told you all about my Thursday night, and that I seemed hopeful about Friday night's date, but it was a big disappointment as well. I originally met this girl downtown on Halloween weekend where she happily signed one of my playplace balls with her name and number. We went out to dinner, and don't get me wrong, we had some good conversations and there was never any weird, awkward moments at all, but the date was just BLAH.

When I had originally asked her out, she told me that she had some later plans that night with her friends, but that dinner sounded great. When I spoke with her on Friday, she said that her plans with the friends fell through, so dinner anytime would work. Like i said, their was never any bad moments, and she seems like a very nice, sweet girl, but I just didn't feel a spark. Usually after a date, I can't wait to get my lips on that other person. But on friday night, I just didn't feel that way at all. So, maybe little mrs sunshine was just a little wrong when she mentioned I love women.

Ok, ok. I admit I love most women, but this one just wasn't doing it for me. So, after dinner I didn't suggest any further plans, and neither did she. I took her back to her place where we hugged and she said, "Well, talk to you later I guess?" And I said yes. With that, I think she was probably feeling the same way, especially since I haven't heard from her since. I got home around 9:30 and spent the first friday night in, since who knows when. I watched the new Karate Kid and it was awesome!

Saturday came, and I was suppose to hang out with Chi, but she was working a cheerleading competition and it went way late, so by the time she text me, I was already at a buddy's birthday party running the beer pong table so I was a little drunk to drive. So, no hanging with Chi, but my ex GF from high school showed up, and kept flirting with me and putting her hands all over me and I guess I had a drunken outburst telling her to not touch me. Truth is, we're still friends, but i don't want anything more than that. So the fact of her trying to be flirty flirty when I had just finished 2 crap dates, kinda pissed me off.

Anywho, Sunday came around and I was expecting a Bronco butt kicking, but luckily I still went to the game and they KILLED IT! The Bronco win was just the start of a GREAT Sunday! On the bus ride home, I got a text from Ivy inviting me to go salsa dancing. I definitely accepted the invitation as I had a great time last weekend with her. I have been salsa dancing one time, and I sucked it up! This time we had a lesson where I could do all the basic steps part and part, by themselves, but when I put them all together I had a hard time remembering my footwork. Oh well, it's was Ivy's first time as well so we sucked it up together :-)  After the lesson we stayed for awhile where we tried to get better, and I think we did, a little bit anyway. I told her that I'm going to take her swing dancing where I'll feel more in my element. She said she has never been, so i'm gonna have to seriously brush up on those skills so I can impress her.

After salsa, her friend suggested pool. So to the pool hall bar we went. Again, I'm terrible at pool, but hey, so was Ivy! So once again we sucked it up together. Being that it was sunday, it was super mellow out. It was a nice relaxing evening where I was able to actually get to know her a little bit compared to the loud party/bar atmosphere we had been in the two times before. Ivy is totally sweet, and i totally have a spark with her. We decided to call it a nightm and I walked her to her friend's car where she gave me a sweet gental kiss that just exploded! Now when I say that, I don't mean that we turned into animals, clawing and grabbing at each other ready to ravage one another right there on the street. I mean, that once her soft lips locked with mine, they didn't want to seperate. Last week I kissed her at the bar, and outside at her car, but those had a lot of alcohol involved and I didn't feel that as a romantic kiss. Tonight on the other hand, no alcohol, and IT. WAS . AWESOME!

In the words of Bruno Mars... "Her lips, her lips. I could kiss them all day if she'd let me."

Friday, November 12, 2010

Date Date Date

I've realized today that I have been doing a little slacking with the blog this week. I've been a busy man what can I say. Work has been INSANE this week! I also brewed my first beer on Wednesday night.
Anyone up for a tasting party in a month?

And of course last night was Thursday. Unlike most Thursdays however, I had a date last night with Snow White whom I met Halloween weekend. Unfortunately this date ended up a little awkward. I think it was Tuesday when I told her that we should go to dinner Thursday, and she accepted. Everything seemed cool at the begining. She lives in a totally different part of town than I do, so when I told her i'd come pick her up she told me that she felt bad for me driving so far, so she would just meet me halfway. That worked ok for me since I had just finished a 10hr shift at work. Dinner started fine, and we had a very casual conversation going on, when in the middle of dinner she just blurts out, "You're ok with just being friends right?". I respond with, "Umm, yea thats fine. Not really what I expected, but ok". The Snow White says, "I don't want a relationship right now"

UMMM... whoa girl. When the fuck did asking a girl to dinner mean, "I think i could marry you one day". Maybe I should have been more clear when asking her to dinner... "So, we should go grab dinner for shitts and giggles, and then we can do whatever you want, just as long as we end up back at your place and you put on that snow white costume again and we can role play. And I'm going boarding in the morning, so don't expect me to stay over." Would that have worked better??

So totally thrown off my mojo, I probably acted a little weird for awhile since I didn't know if I should leave then, or what. Well, I stuck around and she asked if I wanted to go bowling. Since I had no other plans, and she offered to pay, I said sure. Bowling was cool an all except that she was being a total tease. She kept doing all these sexual things to the bowling balls, and making sexual references about balls, and her pierced nipples, and what not, that I was really confused. If she just wanted a fuck, then again, maybe that would have been a better dinner convo. "Ryan, you're ok with just fucking tonight and not feel obligated to take me on a second date right?" I would have responded the same way, ""Umm, yea thats fine. Not really what I expected, but ok".

Needless to say, the night DID NOT end that way, and we hugged and went our separate ways. Pretty positive a second date is never coming there.

On a brighter note, I have another date tonight with another girl I met Halloween weekend. I have a feeling this one will go better. And if not, well shit, I have a date tomorrow night with Chi. Yea, you all remember Chi from Sundays post. I think i might have to suck it up and tell her the truth about my age this week, but we'll see. If so, i'll fill y'all in later.

From their blogs, it seems like a ton of writers I follow are having some kind of frustration right now, so this picture is for y'all...

Make some bad decisions and come Monday, just believe you saw no evil, heard no evil, nor spoke any evil ;-)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Beyond Boobs and Ass

A friend of mine last week told me that I need to start looking for a different type of women. Apparently she thinks I keep hunting down the same types. I completely disagree with her. Over the past few months, I have met some amazing women. Each one is unique in their own way and although things have not worked out, I will still say they are great people with great personalities.

All weekend I was thinking about the things that I find attractive about a woman. Obviously men are turned on by a great rack and a round booty, but that's something that is universal with the human population... We are attracted to a good body. I am thinking beyond those things. Although there are a couple things about the body I want to reflect on, and mention why I think they are hot, but lets not start there.

First, I LOVE the way that women smell!! There is something about perfume that just boosts my attention. This totally makes me sound like a creeper, which I'm not i promise, but if a women is walking in front of me on the street with a good smelling perfume, I could follow her everywhere. It's also a huge turn on to be dancing with a women who smells great, because its just so relaxing. And to get a little sappy, if a women stays over and has perfume on, she usually leaves that scent on your sheets and pillow. I could cuddle up on that side of the bed all day after that. It's awesome until that smell fades away!

I feel like this doesn't happen nearly enough for people who are just dating and not in a serious relationship, but i also love when a women puts her arms around ME. Of course I love to put my arms around you, but i think that is just an expected thing for the man, why do i always have to hold you? Whether coming up from behind me while standing, or wrapping your arms around my chest while laying on the bed or couch, I just like to feel you grab me once in awhile.

A girl in high heels is ALWAYS hot! Heels accentuate the muscle in the calf, and this is soooo hot!!

Another hot body part... dimples on the lower back. Usually girls who are very fit have the dimples, and i don't really know why, but it just IS hot.

Dark eyes! Ever since I was in high school I have always had a thing for dark eyes. Eye shadow or mascara, or whatever it is that you girls do to make your eyes look darker is so appealing to me. Dark eyes are so seductive.


Now I'm going to move on to my personal turn ons...

Accents!! I am a sucker for them, particularly southern accents. I think generally people are attracted to accents, so this probably isn't a big surprise.

White bottoms! Whether they are shorts, pants, skirts, whatever. If it's white, it's hot to me. I think people can guess why, so i won't reveal that ;-)

Booty shorts! There is nothing hotter than a women walking around in a pair of tight booty shorts. Most men think G's and thongs are the hottest, but I prefer the shorts. Sometimes more isn't always better... If there isn't enough booty hanging out, I want to know what the rest that's covered up looks like.

Finally... this was a recently learned turn on, but grabbing the front of my shirt, or short collar when you want, or ARE kissing me... IS PROBABLY THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE 3RD BASE!!


Anyone else all hot a bothered now?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

An Extra Hour of Craziness

You all know that I usually wait till Monday to fill you in on my weekend adventures, but last night was so great that I just couldn't wait to share.

I want to start with my Thursday night, that doesn't make me feel good about myself, but I dug my own grave. About 2 months ago I met a girl at a friends college party, we'll call her Chi because she's from Chicago. Chi and I seemed to kick it off pretty good. Nothing came up that night, but a few days later I was texting her and asked what year she was. Turns out she was a freshman. When the question was reciprocated, I panicked thinking she would freak if I told her I was 24 and graduated. So i lied... Senior I said.
I was never worried about the lie because I figured the chances of hanging out with her again were slim. I would randomly text her to say hi, but her interest seemed null since she would always text back, but would never be the first to text me and never mentioned meeting up again. Well, last week we were talking and she brought up the fact that we hadn't hung out since that night we met. We decided to change this and go out Thursday night. We hit up a hookah bar and I had a great night! Chi is totally awesome! I started to realize that no matter how awesome she is, I doomed any possibility of an actual relationship with her because I can't live out a lie like that, and when i tell her the truth, i'm sure she won't think of me as such a good guy, because no one likes lyers. If anyone has insight on how to solve that situation, I am all ears!

Let's skip Friday and jump right to Saturday. It was my buddy Brandon's Birthday. We went downtown where we sat around the fire at this bar and ordered jagerbombs. There was a couple probably in their forties or fifties sitting across from us. The husband at one point asked what we were drinking. I told him and he asked if we wanted another round on him. HELL YEA! Who can pass up free shots? The couple told us it was their anniversary. My first thought was they must be swingers. What is in it for them to buy us shots? Well, they didn't turn out to be swingers, but later on I was at the bar buying them drinks when they asked my friends if any of us were single. Turns out I was the only one. When I return to the fire, the couple starts talking about their daughter who is 21 and goes to CSU. They start showing me pictures of her on their phones and telling me how nice she is. Did i mention the girl was hot? NO? SHE WAS HOT! I couldn't believe that I was trying to be hooked up at a bar by a couple parents. The best part was when they took a photo of me and sent it to their daughter. The couple told me she is coming down in a couple weeks to bar hop with them and told me to come. I said it sounded like fun haha. When we left that bar, i didn't exchange numbers because I felt like that was weird. That ends that part of the night.

We moved to another bar and earlier in the night I had invited a girl down that I had met last Friday night at a Halloween party. She came down and met us at the second bar we were at, and she looked DAMN good. She was a ton of fun, and we definitely had plenty of drinks together and danced it up a ton on the dance floor. She is a great dancer, and i don't know if other people feel this way, but I don't always dance well with everyone. I feel like i'm a good dancer, but I just don't mesh with everyone I dance with if that makes sense. Me and "Ivy" (we'll call her), meshed very well on the dance floor. Total turn on!!

Since the bars were open another hour later last night, I got to spend some extra time with Ivy. Unfortunately for my wallet, the extra hour was a terrible thing! Before cabbing it back to my buddy's house, I walked Ivy and her friend back to their car where her friend drove home and I squeezed in a very nice makeout session.

All in all, I chalk this weekend up as a huge win. I had an amazing time with a different group of people each night, and although I drank way too much and spent far too much money, it was all worth it, and i hope next weekend is just as good.

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Idea of a Pick Me Up

I've been looking around lately and noticed that everyone is either Sick, or Grumpy lately. I have definitely been on the grumpy train the past few days. I am not really sure why, because I don't have any really good specific reasons, I just have been in a bad mood. Maybe it's something about the days being shorter and the sun not out as much to give me enough energy. Maybe its because the weather is getting colder. I DON'T KNOW!

The weather this weekend in Denver is going to be abnormally warm for this time of year. They are saying we could hit 80 tomorrow! IT'S NOVEMBER! That's ok though, because the past few days have been fairly warm and to help my crappy mood today, I took off at lunch, dropped the top on the Jeep, cranked up the Garth Brooks and just cruised around for the hour. I stopped at a couple places and took some pics to help remind myself of just how much I love that Jeep and that she is the only "Baby" I need.






I decided to throw in a couple strange Mountain view photos. Don't judge me, I'm not a photographer and these were taken with my phone. Aesthetically, they are crap, but I was just trying to do something different and fun.





I always feel good in my Jeep with the top down riding around. There's just something about it that makes me feel cooler than the rest of the drivers around me. I know it's stupid, but hey, we all need a little pick-me-up every once in a while.

It is now officially the weekend for me, so I will see y'all on Monday.

TGIF!!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Since when is practice a bad thing?

I was talking to a friend earlier today and somewhere in the conversation she got to talking about sitting on the couch cuddling up and not going out to the bars so much. I started to agree with her when she just laughed at me. Now it wasn't a little chuckle laugh, it was one of those laughs where is she was drinking something, she probably would have spit it all over the place.

I ask her why she laughed, and she said "Ryan, there is never a weekend when you don't go to the bars. I don't even have to text you anymore and ask what you are doing on a weekend night, because I already know"

"Ok, ok. So yes I go out every weekend. What's the big deal?" I asked.

She then goes on to tell me, in a long, round about way, that she could never see me just wanting to stay in cuddling on the couch with someone, because I am talking about a different woman every week and always trying to meet new ones.

I laughed this off at first and drove the conversation in a different direction, but now that this has sat in my head and brewed for a few hours, this is really bothering me. K's points were valid points yes, but that doesn't mean I don't have other wants and desires.

First, yes I go out every weekend. But that's because I'm a very social and outgoing person. I would much rather go out and meet new people then sit at home all alone and be bored out of my mind. Maybe I just have ADD, but i constantly have to be doing something or I get bored very easy. So there's that argument.

Second, just because I go out doesn't mean I would like to sit on the couch one night, cuddle up with someone special, and just enjoy a relaxing evening, while throwing in a few long make out sessions ;-)
Everyone enjoys that, at least i think so. But in order for that to happen, you have to meet that person that you want to sit down on the couch with. Which leads me to my next point.

Yes I am always talking about new women, but again, that's because whenever I meet someone, they totally seem fascinating at first, but maybe they only gave me their number because they were drunk. Or maybe after talking to them, they really aren't that interesting. I meet new women all the time because i haven't met THE WOMAN yet. Hence my single status. I am not single by choice, that is just what I have been given right now.

I am a totally nice guy, and I will play that card till the end. I'm not like some guy who can be an asshole and get any woman they want. I certainly have my asshole moments, but I was raised to respect a woman and treat her like a queen. So that's why I'm nice. Yes I have my fair share of sexual escapades, but I wasn't an asshole to get the girl to sleep with me. Nor am I an asshole after. Just because I stop talking to a girl, or am looking for new girls to meet, doesn't mean I'm on a sexual conquest of any sort. It just means that the right girl hasn't come around and stayed around yet. But that doesn't mean I'm just going to sit around and wait for the right one to fall in my lap, because I know that's doesn't happen. I have to keep trying to meet her. I see nothing wrong with meeting new women in search of my true love. I see it just like baking. Just because you fucked up a dish one time, does that mean you should stop trying to cook it? NO! Keep making that shit till it turns out the way you want it to.


Before I'm done ranting. I just want to say... WTF K?? Way to make me feel down tonight and remind myself that yea, I wish I had someone to say I love you to. I wish I had someone I could look forward to seeing every day, or other day, or what ever. I wish I could kiss the same pair of lips over and over again. I wish i didn't have to go to the bars every weekend to scope out new talent. And yea... I fucking wish I had someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with on a Friday or Saturday night!!! THANKS!


Also a thanks to Rachel for taking the words right out of my mouth in here Wednesday night post here.


HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Something Intriguing About Balls

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...What a ride!"



This past weekend was completely... (insert synonym) AMAZING! This weekend will probably always be in my life's top 5 weekends of all time!! I spent all week working on my costume, and I can't believe it turned into such an EPIC costume.

I'm in them middle if you didn't guess... Ryan's Playplace

My rules & regulations (the sign on front) were the following...
        • Only females over 18yrs old are allowed
        • Must be under 6 ft tall
        • No shoes allowed in the ball pit
        • Shirts and other clothing optional
        • Hands ARE allowed in the ball pit

Friday night went to a party with some friends where it was very difficult to move around the house, but I still managed. Moving around wasn't the worst part about the costume... going to the bathroom was! I would have pull the box as high as a could, while at the same time try to pull/push my boys out the bottom of the box through an elastic whole, while trying not to lose any balls. Not an easy task by any means. Friday was not too bad since I would just go outside into some bushes and as long as I was not peeing on myself, I was good.

I knew people would think my costume was funny, but I didn't expect women to flock to it the way they did. Every girl I met wanted to "Play with my balls". Absolutely hilarious! Friday was only a glimpse of what Saturday night was about to become.

I was invited to a couple parties, including a couple from girls I met Friday night. I vowed I wasn't going to the bars downtown after last year's experience. It was just utter chaos! I started at a party in the downtown area, where the folks there all decided they were going to the bars. Well, I called my other party options, and sure enough they were all going to the bars as well. I figured what the hell. I sucked it up, grabbed my wallet and joined the crowds. Best decision I made all weekend! Once at the bars, the women flocked to me once and wanted picture after picture. Wish I knew all the facebooks I am now on.

My best friend and I started to notice that people were randomly stealing my balls, so I decided to use this to my advantage. I grabbed a sharpie marker and started writing my name and number on the balls. Some were stolen out, some I gave out. But either way, it was genius! At one point a women approached me and asked what the maker was for. I told her that I wasn't carrying my phone do to not having pockets, and that the only way for me to get her number was for her to write it down on a ball. SHE DID! Again... GREAT IDEA!

I often end a weekend looking back and wondering how I could have made it better or more successful. Today I can only wonder how I will ever live up to this weekend ever again.



The only other thing I have to wonder about, is related to the rules of dating. I managed to add 5 new numbers to my phone. Now begins the game of.. "How soon do i call" "Should I text, or should I call" "How soon do I ask her to hang out again" Perhaps you will hear of those stories later in the week.

Hope y'all had amazing weekends also!! HAPPY MONDAY!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Time for a 69

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was at my cabin this past weekend, and she felt the need to share her funniest moment of the weekend with me. Turns out I was a lot drunker than I thought. She asked me if I remembered the conversation in the hot tub about tall women vs shorter women. From what I recall, my buddy Chris suggested hooking me up with this girl "Jolly". Jolly is very tall for a woman. I remember telling everyone that I don't like woman that are as tall as me because I don't like standing behind them and not being able to see, and a variety of other boring reasons I won't go into.

Well... Apparently I also went down the sexual path of why I don't like tall women as well, and it all related to 69.


Apparently Me: "Whenever I hug a girl that I like, I am already sizing her up to see if she is a good 69 match."

I'm not going to be shy here, 69 is my favorite thing to do! It's so hot to know that I'm getting my partner off at the same time that she is getting me off. And to further clarify my quote from the night, it takes a woman of a certain height to be good for me at 69. If a woman is too tall, our "mouth to privates" length is not going to match up correctly, thus one person is going to be struggling to either 1. Reach the genital area, or 2. Give the greatest amount of pleasure they are capable of. This same situation goes for women that are too short. I challenge anyone to debate this with me.

Now that that little fun fact is out there, I'm gonna do a 69 of my own here...

I have never been one of those people who is afraid to think of change, but when it actually come down to doing it, I get stuck in the good times of the past. It's like I have a need to fix something that is broken. If it's bad, it because something isn't right and I can totally fix it. I have done this with women/relationships on more than one occasion.

When everything is good between me and a woman, I can easily walk away and not feel bad about my decision. But, when everything is good and a woman walks away from me, I obsess over what I did wrong and how I can salvage the situation, hopefully bringing her back. It's almost like I need the satisfaction of knowing I fixed something and now everything is ok. It's stupid. I know!

I am ready for change, in so many areas in my life. I am tired of my job, and instead of sitting here and complaining and just taking it week after week, I'm gonna take steps towards a future. Whether it brings heaps of money or not, I no longer care. I'm in it to have fun and be happy. I'm not saying I'm going to up and quit my job anytime soon, I'm just saying that I'm going to start putting effort into getting out of here. My best friend and I have always wanted to open a bar, and he has always dreamed of a brewery. Well, yesterday we decided that we are going to start brewing our first beer next week so that we can have a home brew for Christmas. Hopefully it turns out good and we can then make another batch and sell to friends and family to start. And then hopefully things can go somewhere.

The next thing I am going to change is my Blog. A new design, and a new style of writing. When I first started blogging, I wasn't sure how all of this worked. I started following other people around and doing similar posts to them, and I feel like I have been here long enough that I know what I really want to write about and what I want to share with everyone else. For the most part, if you have been reading my stuff recently, things aren't going to change too much. But if you haven't read any of my blogs for a while now, you might be in for a slight surprise. Come check me out tomorrow, and you'll see what I mean.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Winter Has Begun... at 9,000 feet

Another weekend, but not one of the ordinary. Thursday night was the night me and my pals went out for my birthday. It was actually a really lame night considering that a bunch of people bailed on coming out with me. But that didn't phase me, I still got my drink on and had a pretty good time with the small group that DID come to join me.

Friday I packed up the Jeep and headed up to the cabin I rented for the weekend. All week I was worried about who would actually show up because again, everyone was bailing on me, but Friday turned out to be a great night! Played plenty of Kings Cup and spent a ton more time in the hot tub. The end of the night had a little drama, but I suppose that is expected at a house party. When most of us left the hot tub, one of my buddies stayed behind with a girl I used to like, over a year ago. She is a good friend of mine now, and I don't think either of us would want more than that. I was ready to pass out, and my buddy's stuff was in my room. I didn't want him to come in and wake me up, so i took his stuff out of my room. And in my drunken state, I figured that if I put his stuff somewhere, he wouldn't be able to find it. So I just laid it in the hallway outside my door. Apparently when Jake decided to come in, he took this as me being pissed off at him for fooling around with the girl in the hot tub. My bad for trying to make it so you saw your shit! Oh well. Maybe he was just pissed off that I wasn't going to give up my bed so her could use it. Either way, we both got over it the next day, like most people do after some drunken drama.

Saturday was amazing! Woke up to it snowing and headed out for some 4wheeling.

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It was amazing until this drift swallowed my Jeep...

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After heading down a bit, it was time for a family photo. First, me and my brother...

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Then another photo with mom and dad who joined us for the day...

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Saturday night was a whole different group of people at the cabin, as everyone from Friday night headed home. Saturday included lots of speed quarters, and again some kings cup, where I came up with the greatest rule of all time. When I pulled the card for make a rule, I ruled that everyone had to make a sex noise before taking a drink. It was GREAT!! One girl, who i didn't know, happened to be single and came up with one of my friends, had some totally hot fake sex noises. I had found my woman for the night :-) 

We spent a lot of time in the hot tub once again where someone came up with the idea to wrestle in the tub. Stupid idea! It was fun that night, but yesterday and still today, my whole body is sore. But it was still fun. I ended up having a pretty heavy make out session with the new girl. She didn't stay with me that night, but she did give me her number the next day, so we'll see if she comes around again.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Monday... It's HALLOWEEN THIS WEEK!!! Time to start building my costume. Which is gonna be epic!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Rain Check

This has got to be a woman's favorite 2 words... Rain Check.



I would like to take an in-depth examination of this phrase.

I might be wrong here, but I don't hear men use this phrase when talking about anything besides sports. Women on the other hand, most often use this phrase when turning down men. I could not count the number of times I have heard an excuse followed by, "But can I get a Rain check?"
One would think this is such a positive word. Which it is a positive word. But, this positive word has a very negative annotation. When a man hears this phrase he's thinking to himself, "She just can't do it tonight but she definitely seems like she wants to get together another time."

How are we so naive gentlemen?

I have spoke to my female friends a few times about this phrase, and all but one of them agreed that the phrase is meant to sound positive, but that it indeed is not. This is a positive word only in the aspect that it is not meant to hurt. A hurtful person would easily say, "No, not tonight, and probably not ever". But that is mean, and apparently women don't like to always be mean when turning down a guy, so they use the rain check as an escape. An alternate. A way to keep a man's self esteem high. I agree that it sounds so much better, and even keeps me in a better mood to hear a woman say she's up for another time rather than hearing a straight no, and then feeling completely rejected. It's like a mother telling her child that they can't have cookies at the grocery store this time, but next time she'll buy them. NO THEY WILL NOT!!! Again, this is an excuse to get the kid to shut up, stop crying, and look forward to next time, where it will be the same fricken result as this time. But yet like men, children will forget about the last time and hear the positiveness in a mothers voice telling them that next time they ask, it will be a different result.

Right now, I would love to come up with some other phrase/words that may sound positive but have negative meanings. Or vice versa. But my brain is shutting down since it is the end of the day, and it's my Friday. Anyone else care to share an example?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

FREE!! How could you pass?

Today I turned the big 2-4. I always wonder why people ask you,

 "How does it feel to be 24?" or...

"Do you feel 24 yet?"

What kind of questions are those? I never know how to answer. The smartass in me wants to say,

"Makes me feel like a pedophile when I see a cute college freshman." 18 is starting to push it now lol.

 I mean, how does turning another year older actual "feel". I think that is a dumb question that family members think of just so that can "sorta" have a phone conversation that lasts longer than...

"Hey. Just called to say Happy Birthday!"
"Thanks!"
"Well... guess I'll talk to you later since i really had no other reason to call you."
"Ok cool. Bye"

That's just lame right? Well anyways. Tonight is not filled with too much excitement. I'm going to dinner with the fam at my favorite restaurant...
I love that place!! After that, we'll open some presents, and then i think me and my bro are going to go see the new Jackass movie. Wednesday nights are a pretty dull bar night, so I'm waiting to get crazy till tomorrow!! It's Thursday for Pete's sake!

I'm hoping that this weekend is going to be bomb, but it sounds like it might turn out to be more of a bust... For a gift to myself, I rented a cabin up in the mountains, only an hour away. I paid for the whole thing and just told me friends to come up, bring booze, food, and bathing suites (Since we'll have a private hot tub), and everyone seemed down at first.

That's right... AT FIRST.

As the weekend gets closer though, more and more of my friends are letting me know that they can't make it because of all kinds of legit reasons. I'm an understanding person, but shit! I'm gonna end up drinking in a hot tub with the town drunk at this rate. I mean, what could be better than a free invitation to a mountain cabin? Am I right??

Monday, October 18, 2010

Juicy Details

Unlike most Mondays, I am in a stellar mood! So many awesome things are going on this week, that I just can't help but be excited for this week.

Time to regress however and take a look back at the weekend that just went by... all too fast.

I had a friend turn 21 on Thursday, and since most of her friends are still fairly new to the bar scene, and I'm a regular at the downtown bars, I became tour guide. I took my friends around the bars I frequent often and at an early point in the night they were all ready to go home. Of course I had really just started to get my drink on so I stayed behind. I am never worried about being alone, although I did start to question my decision when I was sitting at the fire all by myself looking like a alcoholic creeper. OH WELL!
My decision to stay actually turned out to be a great decision. While sitting at the fire, I met a very nice gal that just moved to Denver from South Dakota. She was very attractive and we sat at that fire until close, just rolling from conversation to conversation. Somewhere I mentioned that my bday was the following week and that I'd be in coming downtown to celebrate. At the point, she told me to take her number and let her know my plan, and she'd come celebrate with us. HELL YEA! This whole situation made me think of the recent post by this lovely gal. (Who you should definitely check out). It made me wonder if men are easier to approach when not there with all their boys and/or lady friends.

Friday was a laid back evening with the only excitement coming from my softball team winning first place in our league. Yes, its softball, but hey, winning is winning!

Saturday was the juiciest day of the weekend...
I had yet another bday celebration with a bunch of friends, and I brought along a chick from my softball team who has been wanting to hang out for quite sometime now. Well, to skip all the boring details... by the end of the night, this chick was all over me and asked the question, "So we going back to your place, or mine?" Turned out to be her place, and as the action started to take place I received a strange request. Strange for me at least. As we are going at it doggie she tells me to pull her hair. So i do as requested, and pulled...

Tangent: I once had a girl ask me to slightly choke her.
SLIGHTLY??? WTF does that mean? Of course I refused
because i'm not one that is into the wild and rough sex, and it
just seems very weird to want to hurt you while getting it on.

Now either I wasn't doing it the way she wanted, or I was just so good at it, she wanted more, because all i kept hearing was, "Pull harder, pull harder, pull harder" Finally i was pulling so hard it felt like I was trying to haul in an anchor straight up from the bottom of the ocean! How is this pleasurable?? Well, anyway. Didn't quite have the walk of shame in the morning, but it gets worse...
Awkwardness hit me again when I awoke and saw children's toys all over the apartment. MOTHER OF 2! Guess that part slipped her mind after asking "You have protection?"
Maybe if I would have answered with "NO" there would have been a follow up statement of something like, "Not sure I have enough room for a third in this apartment". Guess I can officially check off MILF from my list.

Hope y'all had great weekends as well! I'll be back later to catch up on my "Bday countdown" which i have neglected for 4 days.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

6 Days... 6 Memories

My cousin throws a beer pong tournament every year, this year was the 4th annual tournament and in the previous 3 years, me and my best friend had taken 4th, 2nd, and 3rd place. This year we hoped it wouldn't be the same.

As every year, you are required to wear a costume. Some how I came up with the idea to dress like super heros, and hence the name "Justice League".

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This year turned out to be different than the previous years... The tourney is always double elimination, and we usually lose somewhere in the middle and then come through the losers bracket to set our place. This year, we never lost... NOT ONCE!  On our 4th attempt, we finally became champions. The part that makes me feel the best about this, is that every year my 3 other cousins all play and each have their own team. Out of the 4 possible teams, none of us have ever won the tourney untill me. Can't wait to uphold the title this year :-)

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

7 Days... 7 Memories

It is offically 1 week will my birthday, and since I haven't been a blogger here for too long, I tried to think of something unique for these 7 days to help my readers... yes all 8 of you ;-) ... get a little insight of my life before y'all came around.
For the next 7 days, I am going to write about 7 of my favorite memories from the last year. Now these won't be in order of ranking, so don't think that I am putting any memory above or below any other memory, these are just the flat out best 7.

If any of you would like to join in, feel free to join me. I'd love to read some of y'alls favorite memories from this past year. Jess, I especially challenge you, since you have been off for awhile (understandably, your honeymoon an all) but i wanna hear your memories.

Without further ado, number 7...

Last year's Halloween was pretty epic! I had been working on a costume for like a month, but it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, so last minute a friend of mine wanted to go out downtown and the only thing i could think of, was how i had bought some fabric one year for a college "caveman" theme party but never went, so i just had this stuff laying around. We grabbed the fabric, ran to the local halloween store where they still had some caveman crap and we went back to hear apartment where we started cutting and safety pinning untill we had AWESOME costumes.

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I wouldn't say the costume beats my kissing booth from the year before, but it was still pretty sweet for being made 2 hours before. And I LOVE Halloween, so as long as it's a solid night, it will always be one of my favorite memories each year.

Now, time to start working on this year's costume.


Untill tomorrow... HAPPY HUMP DAY!!