Night Terrors

It seems to me that most people sleep a lot better when laying in bed with someone else. I have heard countless times from my friends that they, "Like a warm body next to them". Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. It's not that I don't like sleeping next to someone, I just sleep like shit when someone is laying next to me. I have had girls tell me it is because my bed must not be comfortable for me. But when I stay at their place, in the "Most comfortable bed in the world" they tell me, I still sleep like shit!!

I was with a girl for 3 years, and it wasn't really till the end of that relationship that I started sleeping ok next to her. I am pretty sure this is just a comfort issue. When I am trying to sleep next to someone, I worry about WAY too many things that I don't need to worry about. For instance, when I am alone in a bed, I move around a lot because it is hard for me to get comfortable. And I'm not talking just slight movements, I'm talking about some violent rolling over action going on in my bed. I am completely aware of this, and when a lady is in the bed with me, I start finding myself moving as gently as possible. I don't want to wake my bed partner because I can't get comfortable, so I often sit in uncomfortable positions for long periods of time trying to decide when I should make the next movement.

I like to cuddle in the bed, and as long as you do too, I don't mind wrapping my arms around you all night spooning. That is pretty comfortable to me, but then again, that also brings up its own issues. I start wondering if I am breathing on your neck and if it is annoying. How's my breath? How's my breath??

Eventually I can fall sleep, but then I'll wake up because I thought I heard myself snore. Did I snore? Did she hear me snore? Can someone even hear themselves snore? I don't think so. But this is the type of shit that goes through my head when I am laying next to a woman in bed.

Someone Who Can't Take Their Beating

Headed to a party Saturday night where I was thoroughly impressed at first. Ivy invited me to her cousin's party. From what I was told, this was just a normal house party . No special occasion, no themes. When we arrive, there is a DJ in the living room with a full club style set up. By "club style" I mean that he had a table with a full switch board, turn tables, the works. He had a hand full of giant speakers and a huge bass. Next, there was an ice sculpture luge with his address displayed in the middle. It was like a walked into a frat house.

Who has house parties like this? I could see if this was a birthday celebration, but seriously...


The night was moving along just fine, having a blast, drinking some beer, playing some pong, when a fight broke out on the back porch. My best friend and I took a look to make sure it was no one that we came with, which was a possibility of 2 girls, and 2 guys. It was not, so we stayed inside, kept drinking, and minded our own business. After a few minutes, a small group of guys rushed out of the front door, and when they walked back in past us, one of them was holding a knife, straight out in front of him, with a determined "I'm going to stab someone" look on his face.

At that moment I decided it was time to leave. None of the other 4 other people we inside with us. We had no idea where they were. All of a sudden... POP...POP... you hear screams and people just scatter like a disturbed ant hill.
I had no idea where Ivy or her friends were.
Was she outside?
Is she ok?
Where is she?
I don't recall ever being that worried in my life. I wasn't scared or worried about being shot myself, I was just worried that something could have happened to Ivy.


Next thing I know, Ivy and her 3 friends come walking down the stairs. "What happened" they ask. "We're getting the fuck outta here now! That's what happened"

Maybe i'm mistaken, but who the fuck brings weapons into a fist fight. How I was raised, if you were dumb enough to start a fight in the first place, you better just take your beating if you can't handle it. I'm not saying that friends shouldn't jump in, because I have been in 2 fights my whole life, and both of them I jumped in because it was my best friend who was in the fight. But I brought my fists and anger. I didn't go run to my car and grab my knife because i'm a pussy, I jumped in knowing we were gonna win this fair and square. Guess it's times like that where you find out who the real cowards are.

Bar Bathroom Sex

I am not known for posting on Fridays, but I just had to share my FB status with y'all from late last night...

There is some man on woman sex going on in the handicap stall, mens bathroom, at lodos right now

That's right... I was taking a pee at the urinal and heard some, "not so public bathroom" sounds coming from the stall behind me. I listened closely and then tweeked my head down a bit to see a pair of high heels in front of a de-pants pair of legs.
 
This has easliy been the most "liked" status I have ever posted. My FB friends are obviously closet freak whores!! But hey, it is pretty damn funny. I had one friend comment on my post, "I like how you clarify the type of sex ha."  At the time, I felt this was neccessary. In my drunken state, I thought that if I said "there is some sex going on in the mens bathroom" people might mistake it for gay man sex. I over think things when i'm drunk apparently.

Just thought I'd share with y'all. Hope it wasn't any of you in there ;-)

Questions You Least Expect

Yesterday a friend of mine at work emailed me saying she needed some dating advice. I was totally up for this because I tend to think of myself as pretty good at dating . I can't garantee total success, that's why I won't clame to be an expert. By no means do I know, or pretend to know everything, but I know a lot about the dating scene. I go out on TONS of dates. On the other hand, I have proven to not be so good at relationships as you have read.

Anyways, when my friend arrives at my cube, she completely shocked me with how SHE started the conversation... "So, i've been seeing this girl"

HELLOOOOOOO! Didn't expect that one!


So after struggling through some constant images of girl on girl action, I tried to give the best advice I could.

Yes, I'm a man, so when a girl tells me she is dating another girl, I automatically have girl on girl images in my mind.

The question came down to this... When is it ok to have the "Where is this going talk".

My friend mentioned that she met this girl on Halloween.

How ironic. Seems like I was not the only one that had a successfull halloween.

I thought about this for a little bit and probably mumbled out some pointless crap, but I eventually got some good points out. In my opinion, anytime before 2 months is a bad time to have this kind of chat. The first couple of months you are still trying to get to know each other. You are still trying to get a feel for if this is more than a physical attraction or not. Let's be honest with ourselves, everyone starts dating someone they don't know based on their looks. If you didn't find them attractive, you wouldn't blindly hand out your number and start talking to them. I think after a few months of hanging out, it is totally acceptable to bring up the question "where is this going". Because no one wants to spend more than a couple months out of the game if they know the bench they are sitting on isn't worth it.

Here are a couple instances when I think it is also acceptable to bring up this talk:

1) Their friends start throwing around the term "boyfriend/girlfriend" very loosely in front of this other person and they don't seem at all awkward or appalled. This means they are obviously ok with this term, and hence it's probably ok to ask them what might be going on for sure between the two of you.

2) You are sleeping with this person very regularly. Unless it was agreed upon from the beginning that this was just a friends with benefits thing, again, I think this is an appropriate cause to the serious conversation. Everyone deserves the right to know if the sex is more than just "emotional attachment-less" sex.

3) One of you live out of state, or at least a significant distance away from each other. This might be more along the lines of a "Can this actually last" talk, but it still calls for a serious talk if you are seeing this person everytime you are in town together.

4) Offering to move in with one another. I think this one is a given, but if you haven't had that talk at this point and still don't know... HAVE THE TALK!


These are just a few of the things that come to mind for me. Anyone else know something the rest of us should know as well?


Welp, I'm off to dinner with Ivy. She had a really crappy day, so i'm gonna take her out and make her feel appreciated. Don't let my "man whore" blogs cloud your vision. I really am a nice guy and treat girls like royalty.

My Bed is about to get a lot Lonelier

Ivy invited me out with a few of her friends on Friday night and I told her I would drive so she could drink and not have to worry about driving home. Good move right?

We hit some bar that was definitely an older crowd, but it was cool since it had a couple dart boards and AWESOME drink specials. Can't beat 3 beers for $3.75!! After the girls got hit on by some old creepers, we decided to make our way downtown. The night was going great until Ivy's friend passed the line of "fun drunk" and entered "annoying drunk". She kept trying to pick fights with other girls and was just screaming randomly. These are the times when I hate being DD because I hate babysitting! I had to suck this one up though and not say anything. Still trying to impress Ivy and her friends.

I drove the super drunk one home and then proceeded to Ivy's house where I walked her in like I always do, and then came the awkward "should I stay, should I go" debate. We stood in the doorway making out a bit before I said I should probably go. We then continued to make out some more on the couch. Ivy then said I looked really tired and asked if I'd be ok driving home. I told her yes, unless she wanted me to stay. She replies, "You can stay if you want".

Let me just say this ladies; don't give a man an open ended question like that. DO WE WANT TO? OF COURSE WE WANT TO STAY!! But the real question is do YOU want us to? I suppose after all these years I should just know that that type of open question always means you girls want us to. Am I right?

I totally ended up staying, and things got way hotter in the bedroom. I didn't go to bed till about 4am, and then left at 5:30 so I could run home to grab my snowboard gear and hit the mountain. 1.5hrs of sleep??? TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

My plan was to stay in the mountains at a buddy's condo for the night, when I got a text around 9:30 saying, "I wish you came back tonight. I need a swing partner and you are totally welcome to stay at my place again ;-)"

I think it was the wink that sold me... On my way down the mountain I came! I was absolutely beat from no sleep and boarding all day, but hey, you can sleep all you want when you are dead right? I had a pretty solid night, but the best part was Sunday morning when, for the second morning in a row, I awoke to this gorgeous woman with her head on my chest, and her arm tightly wrapped around my ribs.

This is something you definitely don't get with one night stands or fuck buddies. During both of those situations, you do the dirty and then you both turn your backs, curl up with yourself, and wake up ready to get the hell out of there.

If it wasn't for Ivy having to work, I could have stayed there all day in bed with her just like that.

I definitely had some mixed emotions this weekend. After Friday, I was ready to pull the rug on things with Ivy. I think this was because I have been so used to things just crumbling after that "one night together" so I freaked a bit, afraid that I wasn't going to get a night number two. The girls I have been dating for months, just get weird after a hot steamy night. Toot it & Boot it maybe? Well, that didn't happen, and Sunday I felt relieved actually. Like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I got a feeling my bed is going to be seeing a whole lot less of me.

Give Me that White Stuff

Who opened this blog just because of the title? No you dirty whores! Not that white stuff!!

I think I seriously need to write a letter to Old Man Winter and see if he is on vacation or what. Tomorrow it is suppose to be 60 in Denver. That's spring weather right there. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SNOW OLD MAN?!?!?!?!?!

I know there are lots of people out there that hate the snow, but I absolutely love it. I think the snow makes things so peaceful outside. We have had some flakes fall around here, but nothing close to accumulation. This normally happens in late October or November. It's almost December for crying out loud!! Can I just please have some snow already? I know that I can take an hour drive up the mountain to find it, but that sure is a lot of gas. You're killin' me winter. You're KILLIN'' me!

And it Begins...

I now have successfully added "axle shafts/bearings/seals" to my growing mechanics resume. I found out last week that I had a worn our axle shaft. So down and greasy I got, fixin' the beast. Friday night I kept working on my Jeep for the third night in a row and finally got all the new crap put in. What can I say? I like fixing cars, and I usually do a damn good job. I think Jess can support that.



After cleaning up, Ivy came over to watch a movie with me. She brought along some chocolate cake since she knew I had somewhat of a rough week with work, tests at the doctors, and then the Jeep. She is such a sweetheart. Later that night, some PG-13 action went down on the couch.



Saturday I finished putting the Jeep back together and went to the Parade of Lights with Ivy and a few friends. It was crowded and cold, but I had great company and I didn't care. Afterwards we went to a bar where me and Ivy just sat and talked for a long time. At one point, I brought up how good she looked and she told me I didn't look too bad myself. The conversation continued down the looks path when she said, "If you weren't so good looking I wouldn't talk to you." At first I felt kind of hurt, because did that mean I have a shit personality? Then I realized karma was knocking on my door. This is totally something I normally say. I now understand that even if you can admit to yourself that you are shallow, you should never admit to other folks you are shallow. For now, it's ok though, because Ivy and I had a good conversation about how we are both shallow. It was interesting how that conversation made me feel bad and good. Good that she thought I was good looking, but bad that if I wasn't it seems I wouldn't have been able to talk my way into a date with her. Oh well. Karma's a bitch right?



Sunday me and my boys finally tasted the first beer we brewed together about 3 weeks ago. It turned out good, but we are still a long ways from opening a brewery. We bottle our second beer tomorrow and we'll see how that one goes.



As this is reflection Monday, I want to point out a few things. I believe that no matter who you are, you start dating someone based on initial attraction, but there is always a specific time when you realize that you REALLY like that person. For me, that moment with Ivy happened on Saturday. Maybe it was the way she laid her head on my shoulder while watching the movie on Friday. Maybe it was the "Good Morning" text I received the next morning. Maybe it was the way she wrapped her arms around me at the parade on Saturday. Maybe it's the way she smiles when I kiss her. Maybe it's the fact that I've been getting super annoyed with the way Chi has been acting lately. I don't know. But I do know that Sunday I couldn't stop thinking about Ivy and I couldn't wait to see her again.



I am a totally hopeless romantic, and recently when talking to Chi, she mentioned that she is not romantic at all and she didn't really care for romantic type stuff. Ivy seems to be a romantic as well. I have mentioned things like carriage rides, zoo lights, and stuff that is more about the company then it is what you are doing, and she just lights up.

Quickly thought I'd mention that Ivy has this one facial expression where one side of her upper lip lifts and the skin next to her nose kind crinkles up. I think it is so sexy and cute.

I think I have made up my mind of who I would really like to date, and since I really hate when girls play games with me, I will not play games with Chi. Time to start drawing back and let her know I’m no longer interested in anything more than friends.

Beer Goggles Lead to Ugly Babies

I just want to start by saying that I am totally shallow. I know this. My friends know this. At least I can admit it.

My hypothesis goes like this... Too many people get drunk at bars, pick the first rando that gives them a sexy stare down, takes them home, does the dirty, and wakes up in the morning thinking, "Huh???" This simple "Huh" explains the entire night before, and the future.
After years of research, I have determined that each and every person starts a night of drinking with a 1-10 scale comparison of another person, and everyone enters the night hoping to meet and seduce a successful 10. However, for every hour you continue to drink and the night comes closer to an end, you begin to drop those initial standards to looking for a 9, an 8, so on and so forth. At the same time, another effect is happening. The continuation of drinking starts making 1's look like 2's. 3's look like 4's. So on and so forth. So at the end of the night, you are content with taking a 6 or 7 home. And with those beer goggles on, you think you have one, when in reality you wake up without those goggles on and realize you went home with a 3 or 4. This may not be your typical type, and hence you flee. If conception occurred, you have a 50% chance this kid will end up a 3 or 4 as well. This is unfortunate.



Last night at the cowboy bar, I had some serious beer goggles on. I was shwasted and having a great time! At some point I wondered away from the group to chat up a few ladies. Not sure how it happened, but I started swing dancing with one of the girls, and yes, was having a great time still! A few of my friends walked past me a few times, and usually if you are dancing with someone that your friends know you wouldn't want to dance with sober, they will save you and pull you away... right? Well, apparently this doesn't happen when your friends have the beer goggles on too.

After the country songs were done and the hip hop came on, this girl undid my tie and started wrapping it around me and pulling me closer and what not.

Yes, I was wearing a tie out at the bars last night. We all decided to dress up just because... because we look damn good and don't care what everyone else though.

The tie was now in her possession.

Just the phrase "beer goggles" explains exactly what happened to me last night. I eyes might have been causing a lack in physical judgment, but my hands certainly did not commit the same crime.

The bumpin' and grindin' started happening, and from the way this chick was dancing, she was totally DTF. Once I started grabbing her and bringing her closer to my man junk, I realized my arms were a bit wider than I normally care for. I was with a 3 or 4!! I quickly realized my eyes had lead me down the ugly baby path and I made for a quick get away to the "Bathroom". Once finding my friends, they pointed out the absence of my tie. MY TIE! MY AWESOME FUCKIN TIE!! DAMMIT!!! It a terrible shame, but rest in piece blue/silver/black tie, you have become collateral damage.

Red Flags a Flyin'

Recently I have heard a lot about "red flags" while dating someone. And I have never understood what these are. I mean, because to me, every person you ever meet is going to be different and unique compared to any other person. But, any person could also have simular qualities or tastes or attributes as any other person as well. But that doesn't mean two people are the exact same. That doesn't mean that just because you hear one thing that you don't like about something is enough to equal a failing relationship.

I might have found the realization to the "red flag" saying tonight though.

When you find youself not wanting to know more about a person because you are afraid of what you might find out... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you are laying next to someone asking yourself the question, "Why am I even here?"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!


When you are trying to kiss someone and they just pucker up with no passion... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you tell someone you want to take them on a surprise date, and they guess what it is and then say, "Maybe we can just go to dinner instead"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!

When you tell someone that you like hangin out with them and their only response is, "Aww, you're sweet"... THAT'S A RED FLAG!





Red flags do not mean "Keep going for it". They are called red flags for a reason.