Shocked, yet NOT Surprised... Once Again

This weekend was one of the most disappointing weekends in a long time. Went and smoked hookah (which i love!) on thursday with my 2 best friends, and made ourselves feel old by sitting there looking at all the 18yrs olds in that place. It surprises me how young people look these days, but then again, when I look at pictures of me and my friends from out freshman and sophmore year in college we look SUPER young. Crazy.

Friday had softball where we lost a close heartbreaker and hit up Old C's for some pizza and beer. Made it home and into bed I think around 11pm. Couldn't tell ya the last time I was home that early on a friday night. But hey, I had big plans on Saturday that I didn't want to be tired for... I had to refferee 3 football games in the morning, then go to a family BBQ before heading to the Brad Paisley concert with the new girl Jesse.

Well, Saturday comes around and during halftime of my last game I check my phone and I have a message from Jesse...
In a nut shell, she said that she feels we are very different and that this just isn't going to work. She felt really bad but didn't want me to leave my family BBQ early since she was having those feeling... WTF!?!?!?!? I had just talked to her the night before and she gave me no clue something like this was coming. She had even told me she was excited to see me. I really had no words for her. The only thing I could think of was Queens song, "Another one bites the dust" because that is totally my relationship theme song. Can't keep anyone around longer than a month. Now i'm not looking for sympathy, because I haven't always been the heart broken in a relationship, I have also be the heart breaker, just lately, actually all of 2010, I have been the one that gets dumped... FUCK 2010!
So instead of a concert I went out with my cousins, drank my sorrows away, got hammered, and got some hot Texans phone number... Solid night!!

Sunday came around and I was hung over... BAD! I made it over to a friend house and finished installing the fuel pump on her car... Was a little afraid it wouldn't start right away, but sure enough, that Chevy fired right up :-)  Now I can add "Fuel Pumps" to my ever growing mechanic resume. I went home for a nap, watched both my Colorado teams lose, and then had a conversation with Jesse over the phone about what's going on. There were a few things that she told me that I just don't understand... One, last week we were talking about "deal breakers" in a relationship and I mentioned shyness. But I have a specific type of shyness in my head when I said that. There is a difference between being shy and being completely anti social and keeping to yourself the entire time. Jesse freaked because she is shy. Well, i don't believe that, but even if she is, shes not the deal breaker shy I have in my head. So i tried to reassure her of this. Then she follow up by saying how different we are because I've gone sky diving, and swimming with sharks, and she afraid to even dance in public. I don't understand why that's a problem? Just because I'm willing to try things doesn't mean out personalities don't mathc up... am I right?? I asked her if she had ever had a bad time with me, or if she ever felt uncomfortable. She said no, and that she loved hanging out with me and always had a good time. I told her that should tell her something, but apparently my words must have been jibberish. After all the talking, she just came down to the fact that she can't explain how she feels, and that there is something in her gut telling her this isn't going to work and she knows how she is. I'm thinking that last part means that she is already shutting me out and that once she does that she doesn't let people back in. Understandable i guess. But the part about her gut feeling... I can't get it. I'm thinking its just nerves, because it sounds to me that her heart and mind are in different places than her "gut". I Don't know!

So here I am once again... trying to figure out what went wrong this weekend and I feel like it was everything. and the one thing I'm going to change, is that with every other girl I have just let them walk away knowing that they are missing out. This time im not going to do that. I'm gonna give this a few days, then i'm going to completely throw myself out there. I have a plan in place already, and I will fill you in on how that goes later in the week.

Happy Monday to everyone!!