The 2am Booty Call

Friday night I had a date with Chi and it was kind of a hard date to plan. Obviously dinner was not a problem, but I had no idea what to do after dinner. Usually a bar, or some kind of club sounds like a good choice, but seeing that Chi is not 21, I had some difficulties coming up with ideas that didn't involve ID checks. My first idea was to go to this new indoor go kart racing center, but turns out they were closed for the night for a private party. So since I had no ideas, after dinner Chi suggested just renting a movie. Sounded good to me!

We rented Grown Ups and watched  most of the movie ;-)

I don't know how in my 24 years, I had never experienced this before, but in the past few months I have now only had 2 girls pull on my shirt collar while making out, and I have to say... IT IS THE BIGGEST TURN ON EVER!!

(If you haven't already, go ahead and put that one in your bag of tricks ladies)

Chi was a great kisser, and that is a must for any kind of spark I must say. I think everyone would agree with that, but I did spend a few months with a girl who was a terrible kisser but amazing in the sack. For awhile i tried to use her awesomeness in the bedroom as the offset for her horrific kissing tactics, but I know now that that is just not enough. Kissing is probably the first thing you ever learn with the opposite sex, so you should have it down to a science by the time you leave high school. IMO.

Anyways, it was really nice to stay in for once and have some couch time with someone. I have missed that for sure. I know that I was recently writing about that, and I am assuming that would be one thing Chi will bring to the table a lot seeing that she is under age. She's going back home to Chicago for the Holiday, so I won't be seeing her for the next week.

Saturday I was downtown getting my drink on for the first time all week, and we spent a lot of time at the Cowboy bar. I busted out my swing skills to impress a few ladies and it did the right kind of charming. While talking to one lady, my buddy Gary pulled out the best wingman phrase I have ever heard. I'm not sure what made him decide he needed to talk me up since I was doing just fine, but Gary started to compare me to a salmon. Neither of us remember the entire phrase since we were drinking. But I know that he started out by telling this girl I was a great catch. He concluded this statement with this,

 "He is like the salmon of men. Like a big 24 inch salmon. You can't find them everywhere, but when one is right in front of you, you better snag it"

I have never laughed so hard in my life. But thank you Gary. And This chick must have been digging it, because she stuck around the rest of the night.

Now I know you are wondering, "Where does your title fit into all of this Ryan?" Well, as the bars were closing, I got a text from Snow White.

"Hey"

Now everyone knows, that is the 2am text that might as well read, "Let's get it on". But this was snow white. The same chick that told me on our date last week, that she only wanted to be friends.

Turns out, that didn't matter. Snow white (SW) was asking where I was at, and if I wanted to come over. It was her birthday and she needed some birthday sex. I don't ever let my friends down, so over I came. I hadn't even walked in the door completely when SW throws herself on me. We start wrestling our way to her room as clothes are being thrown off. At this point, I no longer felt like a salmon. I was totally a bear ready to ravage.

We make it to the bed where things start to get hot, when I notice I have an audience to my right. SW has a husky that was just sitting next to the bed watching my every move. At first I was a little thrown off, but I soon got over it, as it's just a dog right? Well as the dirty is happening, the dog starts to howl!! I'm like "WTF?!" How is a man suppose to perform with a dog howling a foot away from you? I guess it could have been worse though. I have heard stories of dogs barking aggressively at men during sex, or even biting them! That's something you will never find on my bucket list, "Get bit in the ass by a golden retriever while nailing his master" NOPE NOPE NOPE!

SW eventually locked the dog out of the room, so we could continue. After about an hour, we did it again. And then again when I awoke in the morning. I was thoroughly confused as to why she had said what she had the week before, but either way, this busted another slump for me. The last time I had sex multiple times in a 8 hour period, was back in March. That is definitely something else I have missed for sure.