I have decided that 4 day weekends are a terrible thing for me. Yes they are relaxing and I can stay up as late as I want and then sleep in as late as I want, but they also leave me bored with nothing to do but ponder and think. And what does one ponder and think about when they are bored???
That's right...
The Past!
Last week was a very relaxing week for me, and the only night I went out to a bar was Wednesday night. But I didn't go that night for the drinking, I went for the dancing. Ivy didn't know how to swing dance, and so i figured I'd show her. So we went out to a cowboy bar and got our dance on. Me and Ivy actually spent a ton of time together last week. Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Saturday night! Since Chi was back home in Chicago, it left me wide open to hang out with Ivy as much as possible. I'm not sure if this was a good thing or bad thing yet.
I have always been the type to over analyse things, especially relationships. Last week I did a ton of analysing. I realized that I have two different styles of relationships, and right now I have them both. First, things with Ivy are good. They have been moving really slow and I haven't made any moves beyond making out, and I'm perfectly content with that. Ivy is a complete sweetheart and when I believe a woman to be that way, and I actually like her, I have a hard time making moves because I don't want to scare them away or make them think I only want sex. Then there is Chi. This girl is completely gorgeous and a ton of fun, but she is the sexual outgoing type. I haven't had any problems making moves on Chi, because I can just read that she is ok with everything I am doing when I'm doing it. But, I don't feel any stability with her.
There are certain girls (or guys for you ladies) that you just know you have to be wary of. You know they could be trouble, they could be heart breakers, and leave you face down in the mud. Yet, those are the type you probably fall for most often. That's been my experiences anyway. Maybe I'm self destructing things with Chi because I started things off with a lie. And although i came clean, i still feel bad. I'm also one of those that says a relationship can be just fine when sex starts very early on, but I really know that is a lie. I just try to fool myself into a good rationalization. I know when things are just booty calls, and I'm ok with that. But when I don't know what they are or what they could lead to, that's when I start questioning everything.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I have been hurt in the past, and I have also done my share of hurting, and right now I don't want to experience either of those with either of these girls. I have, and always will, believe that dating multiple people at once is a totally ok thing until you start getting serious, or that sex becomes involved. Right now, I have not had sex with either girl, but I feel it happening very soon with Chi just because of the sexual limits we have already reached with one another. So once that happens, does that mean i have made my decision on who I'm keeping around and who I'm dumping? I know this situation is not fair. Or maybe it is? How do I know that Chi is possibly just looking for a friend with benefits? Maybe Ivy isn't really that into me, but she's keeping me around till something better comes along?
How come I had 4 days off to get my pitiful-relationship-analysis-thinking-cap dusted off and slapped on?
Which one do you want to be with? If you can't decide between the two, maybe it means you don't see yourself settling down with either. Do you and Chi have a connection beyond just the physical? Do you think that the chemistry between you and Ivy is significant enough to ditch all other girls...?
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you can't make up your mind, it's best to just go with the flow and see how things pan out.
M - I can't really answer those questions nor have I thought about them. The past few girls I have dated, and a lot of girls i've met lately, seem to fear commitment or "seriousness" too early on if you know what I mean. So for me, I don't want to question which one I see a future with, because there is the possibility to get clingy, and no one likes that.
ReplyDeleteYeah I can see that, especially if they are a little bit younger. But if they are dating you, they must be thinking about it a little bit. Anyway, just go with the flow. See which one sticks around, which one doesn't... Or maybe a new girl will come into the picture. You never know.
ReplyDelete