Why I Suck at Operation

Tonight my best friend and I were brewing our second beer, and towards the end of the process I was holding up the thermometer to take a temperature reading and I just couldn't hold it steady for the life of me. Gary and I started talking about how it was a good thing I never wanted to be a doctor because I have the shakiest hands he has ever seen. This is true. For some reason I am always shaky. Some people get shaky if they don't have enough food or sugar, some shake after drinking coffee, some shake after certain drugs, but me, I shake pretty much all the time. I have no idea why this is, but I figured it brings up a good topic for tonight.... Nerves

Although I shake slightly all the time, I shake a ton when I get nervous. You have all heard the saying "Nerves of steel", well the saying for me is easily, "Nerves of Jello". It is so easy to tell when I am nervous, even when I myself don't think i'm nervous. For example, on multiple occasions in the bedroom, I have been told by women that I don't need to be nervous. When I tell them I'm not, they say, "Why are you shaking then?". SHIT, I didn't even know I was shaking, guess I just get so used to it being a normal thing for me, that I don't notice. Whatever though, I guess the more you are with me you will start to see that I'm just abnormally shaky.

I sometimes wonder if the strength of your nervous is built around your fears. If you don't fear a lot of things, does that mean your nerves are stronger and you don't get nervous as eaily? If that's true, I can totally see why my nerves are like jello. I fear some rediculous things. Like for one, my biggest fear of all is a paper cut in the eye. People think i'm crazy for that, but come on. Everyone knows how much a little paper cut on their finger hurts, and how much somthing in your eye hurts, well what if the two meet?? I kinda freak out when people hold papers or mail or anything like that in my face.

I also fear audiences, which is weird for me seeing that I grew up a 3 sport athlete and was used to having crowds around for those. I know that I get nervous before games a little, but when people are watching me not so much. The audience types of talking about, are like when I am talking in front of people I don't know or when I used to play in the jazz band and I had a solo. That's when I got extremely nervous. Because all eyes are on you. What if I fuck up? What if I do somthing stupid? What if i'm being video taped? Again, stupid fear, but a fear none the less.

I have accepted the fact that I have very shaky hands and thats ok with me. I know that i'll never be a doctor. I know I'll never be a good rifle hunter. I know that i'll never be able to beat my kids at the game operation. But so what?